The National Institute of Drug Abuse (NIDA) defines addiction as a chronic, relapsing brain disease that is characterized by compulsive drug seeking and use, despite harmful consequences. Once someone is addicted, they’re not using drugs to feel good; they’re using drugs just to feel “normal”. Behavioral changes are directly linked to the drug user’s changing brain. …
Familiarity feels good to us. Even when it’s the familiarity of worry, anger, fear, guilt, or confusion. We don’t like how those emotions feel, but we know them, so there is a sense of comfort with them. I was talking to someone the other day who feels a lot of discomfort when she tries to …
Why it’s hard to change how you feel when your child is abusing substances Read More »
There we were in the psychologist’s office. I was sitting on the love seat. My daughter was in a chair and the psychologist was in another chair next to her. I was facing both of them. My daughter was telling me and the psychologist all the ways I was a bad mom, all the reasons …
Do you feel responsible for your teen/young adult’s substance abuse? Read More »
Where are you living your life? Are you living in the past where things were better before your teen/young adult child started abusing substances? Are you living in the future that will be better because you hope your child will be sober and everything will be OK again? Living in the past or the future …
You can be happy whether your child is sober or not… Read More »
It all starts with our natural coping mechanisms and why we aren’t helping ourselves either Apathy is a lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern. It’s the feeling of not feeling and what I refer to as feeling numb. Numbness was my preferred feeling for a few years. It was my coping mechanism when my daughter’s …
Why you can’t help your child who is suffering from addiction or abusing substances Read More »
I often wonder where the perception of control comes from or why we think we should be able to control other people. When my daughter started abusing substances and I couldn’t control her behavior or get her to change it, I felt like I was failing as a mother. Why couldn’t I figure out how …
ONE single thing I learned has created the most change in my life and given me more of a sense of control in my life than anything else. My life is created by my THOUGHTS. I’m the analytical type so it just sounded like some kind of woo woo BS when I first heard …
I often hear overwhelmed parents venting about what their addicted child is doing to them. How their child is treating them. This unhealthy relationship with no balance happens over time. Addiction rears its ugly head in their home. Parents don’t know what to do. They try to research for help, but all they find is …
How do you feel about the way your addicted child treats you? Read More »
Fail forward moms! No. That is not a typo. Yes. You read that right. Failure is one of those words that gets a bad rap. It’s the other four-letter F word. No one wants to fail. The dictionary definition of failure seems innocent enough: a lack of success or the omission of the expected or …
Don’t fear failure when your child is battling addiction Read More »
What are you feeling right now? When I ask that question clients usually tell me what is happening in their lives rather than giving me a one word feeling. Creating awareness about what you are feeling is a good way to know where you stand now, so you can make changes in your life to …
How I made changes in my life when my daughter started abusing substances Read More »
Ever wonder why your mind always goes to the worst that can happen and not the best? Think about it. Imagine how different you would feel every day if your thoughts were running away with all the ways things could turn out amazing instead of catastrophic. I used to think I had a right to …
My robot vacuum (her name is Wonder Woman) reminds me of how I approached my daughter’s substance abuse when it first started. Several days in a row while I was sitting at my desk working, I noticed Wonder Woman was struggling to get into my office. The transition into my office is higher than the …
Relationship manuals are detailed mental books of rules and expectations about what is normal and acceptable behavior for our children. The difference between a manual and everyday parental rules and expectations is the emotional attachment to the outcome. When you are emotionally attached to the outcome it is a manual. The attachment to the outcome …
Last Friday afternoon I did something completely out of character for me. I shouted profanities at the cable guy. He left the gate open, my dogs got out, and they were running down a busy street. That would make me mad on any given day, but my normal reaction would not involve yelling or profanities. …
Why you lose your temper sometimes when your child is abusing substances Read More »
Buffering is using any false pleasure like drugs, food, alcohol, shopping, gambling, people, social media, or anything else outside of ourselves to avoid experiencing our feelings. Those external substances create temporary or momentary feelings of comfort, but they don’t last. It’s a short term solution to a long term problem that often creates more consequences …
How We’re More Like Our Kids Who Are Abusing Substances Than We Think Read More »
I use this on myself daily. It really works! If you try this and have any questions about it feel free to message me. Let me know how it works for you. Grab a pen and paper and give it a try. NAME IT – What emotion are you feeling? DESCRIBE IT – What does …
I’ve mentioned before that planting flowers and working in the yard is one of the hobbies I’ve developed that helps keep me sane and focused on myself rather than my teen. This year I have been fascinated by how seemingly dead plants come back to life in the spring. I’ve been watching them all closely …
I often write that when you find yourself caught up in your teen’s substance abuse you have to figure out how to put your own oxygen mask on first and take care of yourself. Future focus is one way to do that. Future focus is intentionally creating a better future, instead of unintentionally recreating your …
That’s a painful thought, but a common one. I’ve had it many times myself. One of the things that has helped my relationship with my daughter was letting go of all of my expectations for how my daughter’s life should turn out. When you think your life would be so much easier if your teen …
Why You Think Life Would Be So Much Better If Your Child Wasn’t Abusing Substances Read More »
I avoided this subject for a while because it is so misunderstood. I need to make sure I am clear with my message and don’t add to the confusion about detaching with love. The other day a mother asked if it was OK for her to text her addicted child to say she loved them. …
Detaching With Love When Your Child Is Suffering From Addiction Or Abusing Substances Read More »