I often write that when you find yourself caught up in your teen’s substance abuse you have to figure out how to put your own oxygen mask on first and take care of yourself. Future focus is one way to do that. Future focus is intentionally creating a better future, instead of unintentionally recreating your …
That’s a painful thought, but a common one. I’ve had it many times myself. One of the things that has helped my relationship with my daughter was letting go of all of my expectations for how my daughter’s life should turn out. When you think your life would be so much easier if your teen …
Why You Think Life Would Be So Much Better If Your Child Wasn’t Abusing Substances Read More »
When there’s something that you need to talk to your son or daughter about and there’s a lot of negative emotion& tension involved, following these steps can change the outcome. One person can change the whole tone of a conversation. Most of us have no idea how to communicate without blame, frustration, defensiveness, or …
7 steps for Difficult Conversations with your teen/young adult child Read More »
One of the reasons your child uses substances is to avoid pain. The reason they want to avoid pain is because that is how their brain is wired. Ironically, the substance they use to avoid pain just creates more pain. It creates more pain for them, and everyone who loves them. Then, those of us …
When your teen is abusing substances, your self confidence could probably use a boost. All the fears, guilt, and self-doubt that show up erode your self-confidence. Also, when you want to help your teen and you don’t know where to start or what to do you don’t have confidence in your ability to handle the …
Creating Self Confidence And Why You Need It When Your Child Is Abusing Drugs or Alcohol Read More »
Is regret useful? That depends. Are you using regret as a tool for change or are you using it as a weapon against yourself? I’ve used it both ways, and nothing positive comes out of using regret against myself. When you use regret against yourself, you are stuck in the past wishing it was different, …
Lessons Learned From Regret When Your Child is Abusing Substances Read More »
The prefrontal cortex (PFC) is the part of the brain where risks are assessed, impulses are controlled, and plans are made to reach goals. The PFC is not fully developed until 25 years old on average. That is why teens are more likely to engage in risky or impulsive behavior. In addition to your teen’s …
The Teen/young adult brain and how it’s affected by substance use Read More »
Beliefs are just thoughts we think over and over. Guess what that means? They can be changed. All you have to do is question your beliefs, decide if they are serving you, and if they aren’t serving you then change them. Find new thoughts to think that serve you and think them over and over …
Boundaries create clear lines between you and the world. People often have fears about how others will feel about their boundaries and worry they will cause distance, but properly set boundaries lead to closer relationships. People with naturally strong boundaries can be compassionate because they don’t feel taken advantage of. If you feel taken advantage …
Setting boundaries with your child when they are abusing drugs and alcohol Read More »
As you read this, keep in mind this is JUST ONE FACTOR, one chemical, that is affected when dealing with substance use. Dopamine is the brain’s way of rewarding us or nature’s way of rewarding the brain for activities like eating and sex that are necessary to the survival of our species. Dopamine makes us …
Are you exhausted from worry? Who thinks about the substance your teen uses more? You, or your teen? What if you give up your obsession with their substance of choice? What else could you do with all that time you spend devoted to thinking about it? How much suffering do all those thoughts about their …
Your teen’s substance use can be emotionally heavy. It feels physically heavy sometimes. Laughter provides much needed relief from all the tension. Just because you enjoy some laughter with your teen doesn’t mean you approve of all their actions. My daughter and I had an argument at a drive through one night, and she took …
You know how when you are on an air plane they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first? You have to do that when your teen is abusing substances as well. The natural response is to put all your energy and resources toward helping your teen with their substance use. Their substance …
The most surprising lesson I have learned from substance abuse is unconditional love. Unconditional love is the willingness to work through all the discomfort I feel because I see my teen suffering, and I want to fix it, and I can’t fix it, but I keep showing up with love in the face of that …
How Unconditional Love Helps When Your Child Is Abusing Substances Read More »
You can choose to feel however you want. When you are facing your teen’s substance use It doesn’t feel like it, but you have a choice about how you feel. For years I chose to feel angry because I thought substance use stole my daughter from me. I felt robbed of our relationship and every …
You Have a Choice About How You Feel When Your Child Is Using Substances Read More »
Deciding ahead of time will save you from yourself. Doors are slamming, voices are raised, tensions are high, and angry words are being exchanged. You are in the heat of the moment with your teen. Does this sound like a good time to make a decision? Deciding how you are going to handle this situation …
There is no perfect decision. Decide ahead of time, that no matter what decision you make it is the right decision. Your teen’s substance abuse requires you to make many decisions. Where do you get help? Which doctor, lawyer, counselor, psychiatrist, psychologist, in patient treatment center, out patient treatment center, nutritionist, medication assisted treatment, detox, …
Why You Have To Make Decisions When Your Teen Is Using Substances Read More »
Acceptance is not approval. It is simply receiving the situation as it is, rather than resisting it and fighting against it. When you accept it, you are no longer telling yourself this should not be happening. You accept that this is reality and figure out how to meet your teen where they are at. The …
Acceptance as a tool for keeping your sanity amid your teen’s substance abuse. Read More »