Finding Peace

The more we try to help our kids the more we lose ourselves sometimes. Tips for reclaiming control of your life.

How To Master Your Feelings So You Don’t Feel So Out Of Control Part 2

The majority of this blog post is my interpretation of the book The Secret Language of Feelings by Calvin D. Banyan. This is part 2 of 2 blog posts. If you haven’t read part 1 yet, click here to read it. Remember from last week that primary feelings are experienced to signal you as soon …

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How To Master Your Feelings So You Don’t Feel So Out Of Control!

The majority of this blog post is my interpretation of the book The Secret Language of Feelings by Calvin D. Banyan. This is part 1 of 2 blog posts. I love this book because it pairs perfectly with what I teach as a life coach. Our brains work in a think, feel, act cycle. Very simply put, …

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How To Create Confidence When Your Child Is Abusing Substances

When your child is abusing substances, it can take a toll on your confidence when you need it most. General confidence comes from knowledge and practice, so the more experience you have at something, the more confident you become.  (I’m confident I can walk because I do it all day every day) Self confidence is …

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Why You Have To Give Up Your Identity As The Mother Of A Substance Abuser – Waking Yourself Up From The Fog Of Your Child’s Substance Abuse

There is so much more power in letting go of this identity than keeping it.  Think about labeling someone with the stigma of “addict” rather than referring to them as a person who suffers from addiction.  The difference between the two is one defines a person and the other one refers to an aspect of …

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What’s your biggest complaint about your child that’s abusing substances?

In February some girlfriends and I took a weekend trip to Dallas. We stayed at a fun hotel in an area where we could walk to nearby restaurants.  Our first night there we were excited that a drive only 3 hours south made such a difference in the temperature.  As we walked into the courtyard, …

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Why it’s hard to change how you feel when your child is abusing substances

Familiarity feels good to us.  Even when it’s the familiarity of worry, anger, fear, guilt, or confusion.  We don’t like how those emotions feel, but we know them, so there is a sense of comfort with them.  I was talking to someone the other day who feels a lot of discomfort when she tries to …

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Why you can’t help your child who is suffering from addiction or abusing substances

It all starts with our natural coping mechanisms and why we aren’t helping ourselves either Apathy is a lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern. It’s the feeling of not feeling and what I refer to as feeling numb. Numbness was my preferred feeling for a few years.  It was my coping mechanism when my daughter’s …

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Why you want to control your teen or young adult child when they are abusing substances and why it doesn’t work

I often wonder where the perception of control comes from or why we think we should be able to control other people. When my daughter started abusing substances and I couldn’t control her behavior or get her to change it, I felt like I was failing as a mother. Why couldn’t I figure out how …

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How do you feel about the way your addicted child treats you?

I often hear overwhelmed parents venting about what their addicted child is doing to them.  How their child is treating them.  This unhealthy relationship with no balance happens over time.  Addiction rears its ugly head in their home.  Parents don’t know what to do.  They try to research for help, but all they find is …

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How worry works against you when your teen or young adult child is suffering from addiction

Ever wonder why your mind always goes to the worst that can happen and not the best? Think about it. Imagine how different you would feel every day if your thoughts were running away with all the ways things could turn out amazing instead of catastrophic. I used to think I had a right to …

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Why you have to be like Wonder Woman and change your approach to parenting when your child is abusing substances

My robot vacuum (her name is Wonder Woman) reminds me of how I approached my daughter’s substance abuse when it first started. Several days in a row while I was sitting at my desk working, I noticed Wonder Woman was struggling to get into my office.  The transition into my office is higher than the …

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Relationship manuals and how they ruin your relationship with your son or daughter when they are abusing substances

Relationship manuals are detailed mental books of rules and expectations about what is normal and acceptable behavior for our children.  The difference between a manual and everyday parental rules and expectations is the emotional attachment to the outcome.  When you are emotionally attached to the outcome it is a manual.  The attachment to the outcome …

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Why you lose your temper sometimes when your child is abusing substances

Last Friday afternoon I did something completely out of character for me.  I shouted profanities at the cable guy. He left the gate open, my dogs got out, and they were running down a busy street. That would make me mad on any given day, but my normal reaction would not involve yelling or profanities. …

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How We’re More Like Our Kids Who Are Abusing Substances Than We Think

Buffering is using any false pleasure like drugs, food, alcohol, shopping, gambling, people, social media, or anything else outside of ourselves to avoid experiencing our feelings.  Those external substances create temporary or momentary feelings of comfort, but they don’t last. It’s a short term solution to a long term problem that often creates more consequences …

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