Finding Peace

The more we try to help our kids the more we lose ourselves sometimes. Tips for reclaiming control of your life.

Why you want to control your teen or young adult child when they are abusing substances and why it doesn’t work

I often wonder where the perception of control comes from or why we think we should be able to control other people. When my daughter started abusing substances and I couldn’t control her behavior or get her to change it, I felt like I was failing as a mother. Why couldn’t I figure out how …

Why you want to control your teen or young adult child when they are abusing substances and why it doesn’t work Read More »

How do you feel about the way your addicted child treats you?

I often hear overwhelmed parents venting about what their addicted child is doing to them.  How their child is treating them.  This unhealthy relationship with no balance happens over time.  Addiction rears its ugly head in their home.  Parents don’t know what to do.  They try to research for help, but all they find is …

How do you feel about the way your addicted child treats you? Read More »

How worry works against you when your teen or young adult child is suffering from addiction

Ever wonder why your mind always goes to the worst that can happen and not the best? Think about it. Imagine how different you would feel every day if your thoughts were running away with all the ways things could turn out amazing instead of catastrophic. I used to think I had a right to …

How worry works against you when your teen or young adult child is suffering from addiction Read More »

Why you have to be like Wonder Woman and change your approach to parenting when your child is abusing substances

My robot vacuum (her name is Wonder Woman) reminds me of how I approached my daughter’s substance abuse when it first started. Several days in a row while I was sitting at my desk working, I noticed Wonder Woman was struggling to get into my office.  The transition into my office is higher than the …

Why you have to be like Wonder Woman and change your approach to parenting when your child is abusing substances Read More »

Relationship manuals and how they ruin your relationship with your son or daughter when they are abusing substances

Relationship manuals are detailed mental books of rules and expectations about what is normal and acceptable behavior for our children.  The difference between a manual and everyday parental rules and expectations is the emotional attachment to the outcome.  When you are emotionally attached to the outcome it is a manual.  The attachment to the outcome …

Relationship manuals and how they ruin your relationship with your son or daughter when they are abusing substances Read More »

Why you lose your temper sometimes when your child is abusing substances

Last Friday afternoon I did something completely out of character for me.  I shouted profanities at the cable guy. He left the gate open, my dogs got out, and they were running down a busy street. That would make me mad on any given day, but my normal reaction would not involve yelling or profanities. …

Why you lose your temper sometimes when your child is abusing substances Read More »

How We’re More Like Our Kids Who Are Abusing Substances Than We Think

Buffering is using any false pleasure like drugs, food, alcohol, shopping, gambling, people, social media, or anything else outside of ourselves to avoid experiencing our feelings.  Those external substances create temporary or momentary feelings of comfort, but they don’t last. It’s a short term solution to a long term problem that often creates more consequences …

How We’re More Like Our Kids Who Are Abusing Substances Than We Think Read More »

Small changes can make a big difference in your happiness when your child is abusing substances

I often write that when you find yourself caught up in your teen’s substance abuse you have to figure out how to put your own oxygen mask on first and take care of yourself.  Future focus is one way to do that.  Future focus is intentionally creating a better future, instead of unintentionally recreating your …

Small changes can make a big difference in your happiness when your child is abusing substances Read More »

Why You Think Life Would Be So Much Better If Your Child Wasn’t Abusing Substances

That’s a painful thought, but a common one. I’ve had it many times myself. One of the things that has helped my relationship with my daughter was letting go of all of my expectations for how my daughter’s life should turn out. When you think your life would be so much easier if your teen …

Why You Think Life Would Be So Much Better If Your Child Wasn’t Abusing Substances Read More »

Detaching With Love When Your Child Is Suffering From Addiction Or Abusing Substances

I avoided this subject for a while because it is so misunderstood.  I need to make sure I am clear with my message and don’t add to the confusion about detaching with love. The other day a mother asked if it was OK for her to text her addicted child to say she loved them. …

Detaching With Love When Your Child Is Suffering From Addiction Or Abusing Substances Read More »

How being willing to feel pain will help you when your child is suffering from addiction

One of the reasons your teen abuse substances is to avoid pain. The reason they want to avoid pain is because that is how their brain is wired. Ironically, the substance they use to avoid pain just creates more pain. It creates more pain for them, and everyone who loves them. Then, those of us …

How being willing to feel pain will help you when your child is suffering from addiction Read More »

Creating Self Confidence And Why You Need It When Your Child Is Abusing Drugs or Alcohol

When your teen is abusing substances, your self confidence could probably use a boost.  All the fears, guilt, and self-doubt that show up erode your self-confidence.  Also, when you want to help your teen and you don’t know where to start or what to do you don’t have confidence in your ability to handle the …

Creating Self Confidence And Why You Need It When Your Child Is Abusing Drugs or Alcohol Read More »

Setting boundaries with your child when they are abusing drugs and alcohol

Boundaries create clear lines between you and the world.  People often have fears about how others will feel about their boundaries and worry they will cause distance, but properly set boundaries lead to closer relationships.  People with naturally strong boundaries can be compassionate because they don’t feel taken advantage of.  If you feel taken advantage …

Setting boundaries with your child when they are abusing drugs and alcohol Read More »