The more we try to help our kids the more we lose ourselves sometimes. Tips for reclaiming control of your life.
I often wonder where the perception of control comes from or why we think we should be able to control other people. When my daughter started abusing substances and I couldn’t control her behavior or get her to change it, I felt like I was failing as a mother. Why couldn’t I figure out how …
ONE single thing I learned has created the most change in my life and given me more of a sense of control in my life than anything else. My life is created by my THOUGHTS. I’m the analytical type so it just sounded like some kind of woo woo BS when I first heard …
I often hear overwhelmed parents venting about what their addicted child is doing to them. How their child is treating them. This unhealthy relationship with no balance happens over time. Addiction rears its ugly head in their home. Parents don’t know what to do. They try to research for help, but all they find is …
How do you feel about the way your addicted child treats you? Read More »
Fail forward moms! No. That is not a typo. Yes. You read that right. Failure is one of those words that gets a bad rap. It’s the other four-letter F word. No one wants to fail. The dictionary definition of failure seems innocent enough: a lack of success or the omission of the expected or …
Don’t fear failure when your child is battling addiction Read More »
What are you feeling right now? When I ask that question clients usually tell me what is happening in their lives rather than giving me a one word feeling. Creating awareness about what you are feeling is a good way to know where you stand now, so you can make changes in your life to …
How I made changes in my life when my daughter started using substances Read More »
Ever wonder why your mind always goes to the worst that can happen and not the best? Think about it. Imagine how different you would feel every day if your thoughts were running away with all the ways things could turn out amazing instead of catastrophic. I used to think I had a right to …
My robot vacuum (her name is Wonder Woman) reminds me of how I approached my daughter’s substance use when it first started. Several days in a row while I was sitting at my desk working, I noticed Wonder Woman was struggling to get into my office. The transition into my office is higher than the …
Relationship manuals are detailed mental books of rules and expectations about what is normal and acceptable behavior for our children. The difference between a manual and everyday parental rules and expectations is the emotional attachment to the outcome. When you are emotionally attached to the outcome it is a manual. The attachment to the outcome …
Last Friday afternoon I did something completely out of character for me. I shouted profanities at the cable guy. He left the gate open, my dogs got out, and they were running down a busy street. That would make me mad on any given day, but my normal reaction would not involve yelling or profanities. …
Why you lose your temper sometimes when your child is using substances Read More »
Buffering is using any false pleasure like drugs, food, alcohol, shopping, gambling, people, social media, or anything else outside of ourselves to avoid experiencing our feelings. Those external substances create temporary or momentary feelings of comfort, but they don’t last. It’s a short term solution to a long term problem that often creates more consequences …
How We’re More Like Our Kids Who Are Abusing Substances Than We Think Read More »
I use this on myself daily. It really works! If you try this and have any questions about it feel free to message me. Let me know how it works for you. Grab a pen and paper and give it a try. NAME IT – What emotion are you feeling? DESCRIBE IT – What does …
I’ve mentioned before that planting flowers and working in the yard is one of the hobbies I’ve developed that helps keep me sane and focused on myself rather than my teen. This year I have been fascinated by how seemingly dead plants come back to life in the spring. I’ve been watching them all closely …
I often write that when you find yourself caught up in your teen’s substance abuse you have to figure out how to put your own oxygen mask on first and take care of yourself. Future focus is one way to do that. Future focus is intentionally creating a better future, instead of unintentionally recreating your …
That’s a painful thought, but a common one. I’ve had it many times myself. One of the things that has helped my relationship with my daughter was letting go of all of my expectations for how my daughter’s life should turn out. When you think your life would be so much easier if your teen …
Why You Think Life Would Be So Much Better If Your Child Wasn’t Abusing Substances Read More »
One of the reasons your child uses substances is to avoid pain. The reason they want to avoid pain is because that is how their brain is wired. Ironically, the substance they use to avoid pain just creates more pain. It creates more pain for them, and everyone who loves them. Then, those of us …
When your teen is abusing substances, your self confidence could probably use a boost. All the fears, guilt, and self-doubt that show up erode your self-confidence. Also, when you want to help your teen and you don’t know where to start or what to do you don’t have confidence in your ability to handle the …
Creating Self Confidence And Why You Need It When Your Child Is Abusing Drugs or Alcohol Read More »
Is regret useful? That depends. Are you using regret as a tool for change or are you using it as a weapon against yourself? I’ve used it both ways, and nothing positive comes out of using regret against myself. When you use regret against yourself, you are stuck in the past wishing it was different, …
Lessons Learned From Regret When Your Child is Abusing Substances Read More »
Beliefs are just thoughts we think over and over. Guess what that means? They can be changed. All you have to do is question your beliefs, decide if they are serving you, and if they aren’t serving you then change them. Find new thoughts to think that serve you and think them over and over …
Boundaries create clear lines between you and the world. People often have fears about how others will feel about their boundaries and worry they will cause distance, but properly set boundaries lead to closer relationships. People with naturally strong boundaries can be compassionate because they don’t feel taken advantage of. If you feel taken advantage …
Setting boundaries with your child when they are abusing drugs and alcohol Read More »
Are you exhausted from worry? Who thinks about the substance your teen uses more? You, or your teen? What if you give up your obsession with their substance of choice? What else could you do with all that time you spend devoted to thinking about it? How much suffering do all those thoughts about their …