When your child is using substances, it can take a toll on your confidence when you need it most.
General confidence comes from knowledge and practice, so the more experience you have at something, the more confident you become. (I’m confident I can walk because I do it all day every day)
Self confidence is your overall opinion of your ability to succeed at new challenges, tasks, and opportunities. (I’m confident I can learn how to parent my child who is using substances)
You had confidence as a parent until your child started using substances but all the fears, guilt, and overwhelm eroded your confidence.
You don’t know how to parent a child who is using substances.
All the rules of the game have changed, and you feel lost.
That is where you have to call on your confidence in yourself.
When you know you can trust yourself, then you can handle new situations and learn as you go.
Self-confidence gives you the fuel you need to take action instead of sitting in overwhelm and fear.
Each of us has the ability to create self-confidence.
Evaluate your thoughts about yourself.
Are you being kind to yourself or insulting yourself because your child is using substances?
Do you trust yourself to follow through when needed?
What do you make it mean when you fail at something?
Failure just means you didn’t get the results you expected yet.
It means you are human, and failure is part of the learning process.
What does it mean about you?
It means you were brave enough to try something new and you are learning.
I love telling clients that they have all the answers and they know what is best for them and their child.
Once I help them explore their thoughts, they realize I am right.
Thinking thoughts that create confidence and believing them is a skill.
Most of our beliefs are recycled.
We don’t even realize how much self-doubt and anxiety our beliefs produce because we have always thought this way.
The familiar and efficient thinking is comfortable.
Beliefs are just thoughts we think over and over, and our brain is always automatically looking for evidence they are true.
In order to change your beliefs about self-confidence you have to work at believing new thoughts and looking for evidence they are true.
Expect your brain to want to revert to your old beliefs but keep working on the new thoughts and over-riding the old ones.
The concept is simple, and it works, but you have to put in the effort.
Examples of past recycled thoughts:
- I don’t know how
- Confidence is something you either have or you don’t
- Fear means you aren’t confident
- Confident people are comfortable and don’t feel afraid
Examples of beliefs that create Self Confidence:
- I’m capable
- Failure earns success
- So what?
- Worry only pretends to be necessary
- What I make it mean is the worst that can happen
Taking action from these thoughts and making progress will increase your self-confidence.
You can be uncomfortable about something and do it anyway.
Do the things you are scared to do.
Honor your decisions.
Believe thoughts that create self confidence on purpose.
Learn by doing.
Seek your approval and no one else’s.