Ep 47 How Parents Who Heal Help Their Children In The Process

Living With Your Child's Addiction Podcast
Living With Your Child's Addiction Podcast
Ep 47 How Parents Who Heal Help Their Children In The Process
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Healing starts for us when we connect with other parents like us to hear their stories and share our experiences.  When we do that we’re no longer alone on this journey. Meeting and engaging with other parents gives us access to insights and resources we need. When we get the support we need, we find the safety and strength to accept ourselves and our children as we are in this moment. That’s why my guest Casie Fariello is one of the founders of a new online support community called Other Parents Like Me (OPLM). In this episode we discuss:

How connection is the key to hope, help, and healing

Supporting more than one child with addiction or other challenges

Our first experiences with joining a support community and what we got out of it

Rebuilding a family after addiction 

The importance of taking everything you learn about addiction, making it your own, and choosing what you want to implement in your life

The wonderful experiences we’ve had being a part of OPLM

 

Watch the video of the interview on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fkp0f5AA3zw&feature=youtu.be

 

If you want coaching about your child’s addiction or anything else Sign up for a 45 minute $17 call with me using the link below

https://heatherrosscoachingcalendar.as.me/RoadtoRecovery

For additional resources:

GROUP COACHING PROGRAM – Join the waitlist – New Group Starting soon! Be the first to get details. https://heatherrosscoaching.com/peace-of-mind-community/

Sign up for my free guide 3 Steps To Stay Sane When Your Child Is Struggling with Addiction – How to Move Forward With Confidence TODAY http://heatherrosscoaching.com/3-simple-steps/

Follow me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/heatherrosscoaching

Follow me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/heatherrosscoaching/

Link to my free Facebook group for parents who are struggling with a child’s addiction

https://www.facebook.com/groups/434135437166166/?ref=share

 

Join OPLM and get a free 7 day trial: https://oplm.com/join/

Follow OPLM on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/other.parents.like.me

Follow OPLM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/other.parents.like.me/

Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/heather-ross9/message

Transcript

This transcript has not been formatted or edited.

00:06

I’m Heather and this is the Living With Addiction podcast where I show you how you have more power than you realize when it comes to helping yourself and your child that’s struggling with addiction.

00:20

Hey everybody, I have another great guest today. So a few months ago, I signed up to be a peer parent for a couple of meetings a week with a new online support community called Other Parents Like Me. And I got to meet the founders of the group and I felt an immediate connection to them because they’re all experiencing the same things that other parents are experiencing with their child’s addiction.

00:49

And so I felt this immediate connection with them. And then when I met our guest today for the first time, I just loved her energy because even though she’s dealing with a child’s addiction, she was just happy. And we had a wonderful meeting. And I love seeing other parents who are happy and creating fulfillment in their life, even though.

01:16

they’re going through these struggles with their kids. I think that that’s so important that we get to see more of that in the world. And I really also admire that she saw a need and filled it. So, I mean, that was exactly what I went through a few years ago when I was dealing with my daughter’s addiction, I felt really alone. And

01:37

like there weren’t enough resources. And so as soon as I was able to, I created my own resource. And I love seeing the way you created something completely different in that we got there different ways. But when we met, I realized like we had very similar beliefs and about addiction and how to approach it. So it was just like a no brainer for me to decide to sign up to be a peer parent. So Casey, can you?

02:06

introduce yourself to us and tell us a little bit about yourself and your story and how you ended up creating OPLM. Absolutely. So I’m Casey Bariello. I am the Chief Operating Officer of other parents like me. We also call it OPLM because I think in this recovery world, there’s acronyms for everything. So that’s our acronym. And I have three children.

02:34

who have had different paths of on their own that went through the teenage years. My oldest has severe anxiety disorder and PTSD. My middle boy, as you said, has some addiction issues in the substance use arena. For him, it’s anxiety based and fulfilling a need. There’s

03:00

It’s all rooted in mental health anyway for him. He feels that he’s nothing inside, and the substances fill that need. And he’s been in repeated recovery for quite a while. He’s in a kind of a I’m trying to figure this out phase right now as a 20-year-old. Totally understand that. And then my youngest is part of the LGBTQ community and is recovery for cutting. So I’ve had quite a few of.

03:27

There’s a lot of boxes checked off in my house. And what I learned when we really, really got crazy in the house, and yes, the one with the substance use disorder was the most dramatic of everybody running away and holes in the walls and flipping tables and always screaming at me. As soon as my husband walked out the door to go to work, like hell would break loose in the house, that kind of stuff. I’ve heard from other moms that’s true for them, too.

03:57

I was the one doing all the researching and all the learning and all the, where are we going to do? How are we going to do this? How are we going to afford this? How can we get help for ourselves? You know, we heard about Al-Anon and started off with Al-Anon and just felt that even through that I was alone and just didn’t want any. And I think that’s why we’re…

04:26

on this path together. I never want another parent to feel alone hiding in their house because of shame, stigma, and for whatever is going on with their kids. And I wanted to have a platform that they could be anonymous, safe, and with other people who get it. And that’s where other parents like me came from. Yeah, I love that. We don’t want any other parent to have to go through that alone.

04:55

I’ve heard you say that connection is the key to hope, help, and healing. And it’s an important skill for us as much as it is for our kids. Like they need connection and we need it too. And I think that that’s the part that goes that we often miss is how much can you know that we need it. Because I don’t know about you, but I was hiding what I was experiencing for a long time. Were you doing the same thing? Well,

05:23

I was not, I did not have the luxury of hiding with my middle boy because we couldn’t afford it. So we are one of those people who actually did a GoFundMe in order to get him the help he needed. But until honestly, recently, the world only thought that he was the person that we struggled with and didn’t know that my other two had significant things that were happening because, and that was their response.

05:53

they didn’t want to be splashed across Facebook like my son was. And so living in that dichotomy really is hard. Yeah, yeah. I hid it for about, I don’t know, maybe a year. And then when my daughter ran away, I posted on Facebook looking for help. The first time I totally panicked. I assumed we were afraid that she would leave the state.

06:21

and then that we would never find her. So I was just all in on whatever it took to find her. And on one hand, it was really, really hard to share that with the world. And then on the other hand, it freed me from having to live with this huge secret and opened me up to getting help. So it’s like kind of like, there’s you’re experiencing both things there where one hand, it’s really hard. And on the other hand, it’s kind of the key to

06:51

changing your life? Well, I can’t believe we’re having this amazing connection. I had no idea. The only reason we went public was because of his first runaway. And I was the same way. Like I have to save my child. That’s all I thought about. I just have to save my child. He’s going to die if I don’t find him. Like that’s that mindset. And…

07:17

So why, by the time we got to the GoFundMe, which was like six months later, we’d already posted three times for runaways. So, including once in Connecticut, whereas I never had that kind of visible event happen with the other two. So I think that it was freeing, but not being able to talk about that life was hell for.

07:47

us with all of our kids was hard. Yeah. Yeah. So everybody was, my son became like the person that the world blamed. So this is something that I don’t talk about a lot because I haven’t experienced it because I only have one child, but I know that a lot of parents go through where either one child is struggling and that child gets all the attention and the other kids resent it.

08:14

or they have multiple children struggling. So how have you balanced that? Meditation, going to support groups, reading podcasts, one of your podcasts, going on Facebook groups, like that’s just, I have multiple venues where I can talk about each person’s specific thing. And that’s why, I mean, you know this on…

08:43

other parents like me, it’s not just a general meeting. There’s other meetings. There’s a trauma one and a gratitude one, if you can think that you actually can have gratitude on this journey. When I learned you can, my needing disorder one, it’s just having that space where someone just understands that one extra nuance for each of those people really, I think, is how I stayed sane and also learning my own.

09:13

And I don’t know if this is safe for you, but my own trauma response around the chaos and wanting to shut down and learning to not shut down and to try to be present and to just be there when they’re having all those emotions. So hard. Yeah. That was one of the hardest things for me was not was.

09:36

allowing my daughter to have her own emotions without trying, because my response was always like, you don’t get to be mad, you did this to yourself instead of, because I just wanted to be numb, so why shouldn’t she be? And that was already her struggle. It was like, it’s a learned skill to allow your kids to have their own feelings and just, and not fix them and just deal with the discomfort of it.

10:02

But I think the key to that is, as you said, like learning your own trauma response and learning how to manage your own emotions. Yeah, well, and you think about it, when they were a little kid, I had this image of this, there’s a story that was shared with me about when your child goes off to college. Well, I never, I’m old. Everybody’s kind of different. My youngest, the one who’s gone off to college, my oldest is finally off to college, my middle one, I don’t know where he’s going, he’s traveling.

10:30

So I’ve accepted that, that my path that I thought they were going to do is not the path that they’re doing. That’s hard. And then that other part that was hard is, remember when they were little, you had the tissue and you would put the tissue to their nose and you’d tell them to blow. And then you would throw it in the trash. And then they get old enough they can actually blow the tissue themselves.

10:55

but you’re both standing next to the garbage can, the child still hands you the tissue and you just take it and throw it away. And when they, it becomes the same thing, I think, when they’re growing up for their emotions. Like they take all their emotions and they dump it on you and you walk away like heavy with this gigantic backpack and now they’re late and they go out with their friends. So how do you not?

11:23

take that into your body anymore is a skill. It’s like that’s theirs. They can still feel light, but it’s not taking it weighing me down anymore. That’s a hard one to learn. Yeah, that is such a great story about how to kind of visualize what we’re doing when we take that on and that seeing that separation that it isn’t ours necessarily to take on.

11:50

And that’s one of the things that I have enjoyed so far about the meetings is like I’m doing, I’m co-hosting the eating disorder meeting and my daughter’s eating disorder got lost in the mix because her addiction really just overshadowed it because that became so much more of a concern. And

12:14

But now I’m like, even just sitting in those meetings, going, you know, and hearing other people’s experiences, I’m like filing things away and understanding more. And like, even just realizing like recently I’ve been like, why don’t I have more pictures of her? And I realized she would never let me take her picture. It was very rare. It was very rare the last day that I saw her that she let me take those pictures.

12:43

Thank God she did. And it was because of leftover, like really self-hatred about the way she looked from the eating disorder. But I had totally forgotten about all of that stuff until I started. So it’s just amazing what just sitting in a meeting and listening to other people’s experiences can do for you. It impacts so much, doesn’t it? Like all of a sudden your like brain goes, oh.

13:09

Oh, oh, oh, wait a minute. And you understand and have empathy for your child more is one part I learned. And then you have empathy for yourself for going, oh, how did I miss that? How did I miss that? Because you’re hearing other parents who they may have missed something else and you can all be in the same place and have grace and finally some forgiveness for yourself, which is really hard as a parent to learn.

13:37

Yeah, it is. And I think also sometimes just seeing like somebody going through something similar, and maybe you’ve had a similar reaction, but when you’re watching somebody else go through it, you can kind of sit back and say, well, I’ve done that. Maybe that’s not the best reaction.

13:59

Instead, you know, because you’re watching it from a place where you’re calm and not all emotional, instead of when you’re in it, when your emotions are high and your thinking and reasoning skills are low, and you get that chance to see how you can handle things a little bit differently. You have that perspective getting to listen to somebody else like that. Oh, yeah, absolutely. 100%. It gives you so much perspective.

14:24

Yeah, and that’s where that connection comes in. I think that there’s just so much healing from getting to listen to other people that have been through the same thing that you have. So let’s talk about, so this is an online format. And so you attend the meetings through Zoom. So let’s talk about the difference between paying to be a part of a group like this and attending a so-called free Al-Anon meeting. OK.

14:53

Well, and I did say that I started with Al-Anon and I’ve done the 12 steps. Um, I’ve had a sponsor been super involved. And for me, I understand that Al-Anon is supposed to be free, but as we’ve talked about, they have the seven step tradition where they pass the basket around. And I always had to have a couple of dollars in my pocket so that I could put it in there because it isn’t.

15:22

It’s free if you can’t afford it, but then the rest of us have to like make sure we’re putting money in because you have to pay for the space, you have to pay for the books to sell to those people who are new. You have to pay for the pamphlets and making sure that your organization is supporting all of the Al-Anon service organizations. So I’m not saying trying to compare that, but for me, I learned actually that having a little skin in the game.

15:52

made a big difference for me. Oh, in fact, there’s like that value. And we settled where we are because, and you probably can even relate to this yourself. For your child, there’s at least five people around them that’s affected by what they’re going on with. Whether or not the rest of the world knows, they have grandparents that are affected, siblings that are affected, aunts and uncles that are affected, coworkers if they have coworkers.

16:20

their best friends all know what’s going on. And that’s why we created it so that four people can be touched by OPLM. So one pay stream, you get two Zoom accounts, two profiles. So you join yourself. You can send it off to a grandparent. If you’re to a divorced couple, the other couple can have it. If they’re each person has someone that’s significant to them.

16:49

And then that each of those profiles, now let’s say to two of you on that profile, a different meeting might appeal to you than the other person. Some meetings you might come to together, some meetings you might want to go to the men’s meeting, the women’s meeting, the LGBTQ meeting, eating, you know. And so the goal is to make it feel that your child is no longer the identified

17:19

people that touch their lives, that more people who are touching their lives get healthier so that they have a healthier space to be in. And they’re no longer just, as you said, the bad guy. Yeah. Yeah. That’s really so important. It’s such an important message that we don’t hear enough, how impactful each person can be. I think that

17:49

you know, initially it was hard. I didn’t really understand that. And I felt it was hard for me to like create that sense of community for my daughter and get more people involved. Like I had to raise myself up so far before I was able to engage other family members in it. And I love that you pointed that out, that this one like…

18:16

I don’t, is it subscription the word? Yeah. Okay. This one subscription can have four people that can support them. And it is really beautiful to see the difference that you can make in somebody’s life when you have healthy people supporting them. And I’ve had the opportunity to hear like somebody that I was coaching, then

18:46

their child and hear the difference that they could tell in their life when their parents started working on themselves. And my daughter telling me that the difference that it made in her life when I started working on myself. And so now with this one subscription, like you’re going to have four people making a difference in this kid’s life. And that is incredible. Yeah. It’s super powerful. My son said the same thing. My son went through three and a half years

19:16

some programming and he was young and now he’s 20 and he’s living back with us, which is I never thought was possible. And he is using, but he’s using with in our parameters of not in the house, you can’t drive and you have to tell us when you’re using so that we know that you’re not getting behind a car because that’s a boundary for me. Nobody can get in a car if they’re under the influence of anything. That’s a boundary for myself. So

19:46

We have an amazing relationship now. Like, I never thought that was possible. Now, let’s just focus on that it has taken four and a half years to get here. But he talks about the same thing, that he never thought he would want to come home either. And he said, because we’ve done work and changed, that’s the reason. And I just find it, I’m always hopeful.

20:13

that by having this kind of a platform, we’ll get more men involved. Because I’m sure you’ve seen the statistics. It’s usually the moms who get involved. And sometimes a lot of the step dads, too, which is interesting, but the dad dad as well. And I don’t know if you’ve heard this. And I don’t know if you ever met Lou von, but I adore that woman. And she’s a parent coach. And she shared with me that Ted Lasso was changing the world.

20:41

and that she has more dads coming into support groups and her parent coaching and being present. So my hope is Ted Lasso will help OPLM in the end too. I love that. I love Ted Lasso. Me too. Yeah, that’s just really beautiful to think about. And definitely we need to get more dads involved. My group used to be just for moms. And then I was like having some dads wanting to get, I’m like,

21:09

asked if they wanted to open it up. And I was actually really happy with how many the moms were like, yes, they need a place to. And so but OPLM, you have some just men’s meetings. Yeah, that’s wonderful. And then I agree with you, too, about going back to what we were talking about with Alan on, like for one thing that I like about other parents like me is that you’re going to get the same structure.

21:37

and kind of know what to expect in every meeting versus when I went to Al-Anon, I did the same thing. I worked the steps. I had a sponsor. I went to Open AA meetings. I was very, very involved for like five years. And then I moved and trying to find a new home group, like every group was different.

21:59

And you never knew what you were going to get when you went to a meeting. And so what I like about this is you know what you’re going to get at every meeting. There’s the structure there. And you can count on that. You’re going to get a quality meeting every time. Yeah, thank you. That was a big inspiration for me, was to have it. Because I know that I center myself better into a space. If there is like that first 10 minutes,

22:29

expected stuff is going to happen, you know, and I’m going to learn a little self care with a little meditation and I’m going to hear a topic that speaks to me or a tool, a tool that I can use as a parent, like with my child, like that’s huge. You know, how many times that’s the other, I mean, I’m not trying to knock out, but that’s one of the other things like I learned self care through Al-Anon, but I didn’t learn tools.

22:57

for my kid, it was more like detach, detach. And this has given me, and that’s kind of where we’re coming from. We have lots of different things in there, Melody Baitings, Smart Recovery, Craft, I don’t know if you know all these things, but even some Al-Anon sprinkled in there and some daily old kind of stuff. And so that there’s always something for you to walk away and go either look at reflect on yourself or go, ooh.

23:27

I can use that with my kid to help myself self-regulate in the moment and see the positive and not just the negative in them. Yeah, and I also agree that it is very important to have some skin in the game, to invest in yourself. Like we’re not taught that enough, that like I used to do free call the first time and most of the people didn’t show up. Then I just started charging small amounts, $17. Everybody shows up.

23:56

then they’re showing up for themselves, right? Like it’s just, and it is a very small investment, I think for the value you’re getting for the other parents like me subscription. So it is, we need to invest in ourselves more, even not just financially, like you make the financial commitment and then you’re more likely to keep your time commitment to yourself, to show up for yourself. Like I had to be taught that. When I was, I went to counseling for years without making much progress because

24:25

I was like showing up that one hour a week and I was showing up late and I was stressed out when I got there because I was late. And then I was thinking about leaving early because I was prioritizing my work. And then I had to learn like, that is like my sacred time. And I need to actually do like put the things to use in my life that my counselor was asking me to do like reading the books.

24:50

investing more than that one hour a week in myself that I was barely even invested in before. So I think that that’s another like important thing to get out of this. Like we have to invest in ourselves time and money. Yeah, I totally agree. And I sat down yesterday because we were I knew we were talking to kind of figure out so right now we have 17 meetings in a week and I have enough peer parents for us to have 45 and.

25:17

Not that everybody would go to that many meetings in a week. Never expect that. But if you did, you’ll be $0.55 a meeting. If you went to all 45, if you went to the 17, it’d be $2. Once I started to think about that, and that’s one person, 265, we haven’t even split it between four. So I just hope that that little bit will get people to actually walk into the rooms. There’s something that, and I think we’ve kind of

25:46

talked about this, like, how do you get a parent to actually go into the meeting, they can look at the resources, we have lots of resources, they can look at read, listen to a podcast, they can go to a speaker because they’re anonymous, because there’s more people. How do you actually find that way for parents to understand that walking in a room is going to be the first time you’re going to realize you’re not alone? Yeah. And

26:15

once you see you’re not alone. For me, that was when I actually started to come out of the dark and do, like you said, read more of the books and really invest in myself because I saw other people around me who were smiling and I’m like crying. I want what they have, you know? Yeah, and it’s so vulnerable to reach out to get help and to go to a meeting for the first, I can still remember

26:45

My very first Al-Anon meeting, my Halana was, she was just a baby. She was under two. And her dad’s an alcoholic and I was going because of that relationship. And it was just, I was so resentful about having to spend my time for his problem. And the more I kept going back, the more I learned like, oh, this is really for me.

27:14

It was, I’m so, so glad that I took that vulnerable step to go to that first meeting because that was really laid the foundation for me to invest in myself more in the future. But it really does take a lot of vulnerability just to show up.

27:35

but it is so worth it. Like there’s so, it’s like getting through that fear. It’s the same thing we want our kids to do. Like we want our kids to go to these strange places and go to these meetings and go to these rehabs and they are scared to death to do it. And so like we, again, we’ve got to put ourselves, do the same things that we want our kids to do. And that’s just a small step in that direction by walking into a meeting virtually. Yeah. I hadn’t even thought about it that way. Like that’s true.

28:04

Like we’re, by doing that, aren’t we walking the walk that we’re asking our kids to do and talking the talk that we’re asking. So we can actually have a common language with them. Absolutely. So one thing that I’ve noticed that you might not even really, cause you’re used to being around other parents who have had kids in therapeutic boarding school or other programs that I didn’t even really know existed until we started talking.

28:32

And you guys just talk about different things. I’m like, I never even heard about that before. So what are some of the boundaries that help you be able to have your son at home? Because so many people feel like their only option is to their child has to be completely sober or they can’t be at home. But you have some interesting boundaries that I think are really helpful. That’s a great question. You know the program that.

28:57

John was in before would not agree with me about the vehicle. Just so you know, that’s OK. It is because I’ve I’ve learned my own language. I’ve learned about being able to be positive and comment on the moments that like his eyes are clear or he’s cooking dinner for us.

29:24

or those kinds of things. I’ve learned that language and being able to sit down and have the tough conversations. If I could reverse time and we were in such crisis, if we were kind of, he was using it, we had a decent relationship, we did not. This was not possible for us. But even now we do work. We have family therapy, he has individual therapy, I have individual therapy.

29:52

I go to support groups that I started, plus I go to OPLN support groups so that I’m taking care of me around the fact that I have someone in my house who uses. I don’t know if that makes sense or not, but if I don’t take care of me, then I would be in such a bad rabbit hole and have this catastrophic thinking that I used to live in that.

30:20

we’re going to end up in the hospital or this is going to happen or this is going to happen. And we’re learning how to be a family again. We weren’t a family for a long, long time. So there’s a lot of work that’s gone in behind that. And yeah, we did the some of the programs that you’re talking about as we did wilderness and therapeutic boarding schools. And we’ve tried

30:49

We weren’t ready when he was at IOP and PHP because I was in, and I’m sure you felt the same way, so much chaos. And I can totally understand why if our child was older, we may may have chosen to have him leave because the only way we’re going to start to heal is to not have the chaos in the house and giving ourselves space, but honestly giving our kids their space too.

31:20

because their reactions are not healthy with us anymore because we’re all just like, I mean, I’m sure you’re angry. Everyone, including the kid is just angry. The siblings are angry. Like we had, my two children, my other two told us on Christmas Eve of 2018 that if he was coming back from Four Winds Katona, New York, that was his, that seven day, you know, detox place. If he was going to be there for Christmas.

31:50

they were leaving. So he was sent away on Christmas Eve. That was one of the hardest, absolute hardest decisions I’ve ever made in my entire life. But I also have to think about the siblings. At some point, you can’t just think about, he can’t just be the only person whose we’re all focused on. You have to focus on your other kids too. And you have to give them good Christmases. I don’t know if I answered your question. No, you did.

32:19

And you brought up so many great things that I like that you started with. The program wouldn’t agree because we get these things stuck in our head and they really hold us back. And I think that there is no one size fits all answer. And just because somebody is an expert and I’m air quoting here, doesn’t mean they have every single answer. Right. And so we have to take what.

32:46

all of this information that we gather and we have to digest it and we have to make it our own and we have to figure out what works for us and our family. If something I say doesn’t work for somebody, then don’t use it, right? Like I don’t think that what I offer is I’m just trying to give new ideas, new ways to think about things. And that’s what you know, you can hear in these meetings is what’s working for these other parents. And you can take what

33:12

you think will work in your family and try it, but giving yourself that it’s not black and white, like creating that gray area where you can do things. Like I call it the Al-Anon police. I’m like the Al-Anon police are after me. I’m doing things that would not be 12 step program, but it just feels right to me. And that that’s like my joke in my mind about how I work through doing things that I know seem that are wrong.

33:42

And so I love that you started with that because it is so important. Like that’s why you’re becoming a family again. Like that’s how you’re creating this is by doing what is right for you and your family. And it is not going to be the same for every family. Yeah. Wow. Oh, my God. I have the Al-Anon police are really over here on my right hand shoulder. And literally, the Al-Anon police is looking over and going, how come OPLM is teaching people tools like what and how?

34:09

you’re like having other parents like me like has like all these other things and meditation and all this stuff like that doesn’t fit. It’s like sorry but I think that I’m taking what worked for me, worked for me, what I’ve seen worked for other people because I may not agree that that wouldn’t work for me but that doesn’t mean that it wouldn’t work for Heather so you got to bring it all in, got to bring it all in and see what sticks for you. Absolutely yes.

34:38

This is so good. I have one more question before we wrap up, because we could just… I could talk forever. Me too. It’s so nice to have someone to talk to about this stuff. It is. So I’m sure you had a vision when you started OPLM and you guys are making that happen. But have you had any positive byproducts, like anything unexpected that you’re seeing? You’re like, Oh, I didn’t even think that that was going to happen. But it’s been amazing. Yeah.

35:08

Honestly, I met you. I love you. I’ve met your friend, Beth Syverson, through the Safe Home podcast. I’ve met Dr. Will White. I mean, I’ve met, I can’t even go on and on. Like I went to the National Association of Therapy, schools and programs, I ended up with COVID, but I still met people. One of the things, and I’m gonna start crying, that I love about the recovery world is it’s so opposite.

35:37

of the business world, everybody helps each other. Because no matter how many parent coaches, support groups, therapists, Alanons, Maranons, Smart Recovery, Learn to Cut, whatever, there’s never gonna be enough for the amount of kids and families that have struggle in their homes. Yeah. It’s just not possible. Yeah. So sorry, you just got me, but it’s just…

36:06

No, I love that. The only way we can do it is for all of us together. Yeah, I love that. It’s so true because I was just thinking, I just wanna be able to help more people. And that was one of the reasons that I signed up to do the peer parenting. But then I didn’t even think about meeting all the other peer parents and how much of a supportive community we have within that. And then with meeting you and how I was just

36:36

the starting meetings for the first time, within a couple of weeks after Helena died. And the first we were doing a practice meeting and I panicked when it came to time for me to introduce myself. Cause I was like, the first time I had to show up somewhere, I couldn’t say like, oh, my daughter’s in recovery. My daughter died from her addiction. But you guys are so supportive of that.

37:04

and created such a safe space for me to experience that panic. You guys have been so supportive of me through all of this. And that’s what, like you said, how it’s so different than a business environment. It is a recovery environment, a supportive, helpful, amazing environment. So it’s my turn to cry now.

37:34

byproduct that is just so beautiful, like the support that everybody gets. Like I wasn’t there to get support, I was there to give it, but I ended up getting just as much as I’m getting and that’s what’s so beautiful about this, I think. Yeah, no, I think that the peer parents that, and I have like five more people in the wings that I just can’t wait till we have enough meetings that we can bring them in because it’s an amazing, oh, I’m blessed. I can’t even tell you how blessed I am with all the people who.

38:04

I’ve said yes to being peer parents and my staff, my internal staff, like I can’t even tell you. Like it’s just beautiful. Yeah, I’m so glad that we got introduced to each other. Like the miracle of somebody finding me on Instagram who knew you and introducing us. It’s like, you know, I don’t always love social media, but sometimes it does amazing things. Exactly. Thank you so, so much for doing this interview and.

38:30

being brave enough. It takes a lot of bravery to go out and start a new business like this that you put so much time and effort into it. And I’m so grateful for what you’ve created and how many people it’s going to help. And letting me be a part of it is amazing. So can you tell people how… And we’ll put this in the show notes too, but just for on here, how people can sign up for OPLM.

38:56

I’m sure it’s super easy that acronym that I said, oplm.com is super easy. And you can get to do a seven day free trial and there’s always a speaker Thursday nights. And in next month, we’ll start having on a Sunday night, one Sunday night a month, an expert panel. So, you know, you actually get to go as a parent and ask those questions to like a bunch of therapists, a bunch of peer parents, a bunch of, you know, educational consultants, a bunch of parent coaches, like.

39:25

All those things that you just, I mean, remember, you had to do all that by yourself. Yeah. Find everybody. And that’s, that’s our goal. And you’ll get resources out like crazy. They keep updating that and adding to it and 17 meetings in a week. So yeah. OPLM.com. That’s great. Thank you so much. You’re welcome. Thank you, Heather.

39:55

Thank you for listening to this episode. If you want to learn more about my work, go to Heat If you want to help other parents who are struggling with a child’s addiction, you can do it two different ways. First, you can share the podcast with them directly or you can share it on your social media. Second, you can leave a review. Talk to you next week.