EP76 Why Emotional Eating Doesn’t Fix Worry, Stress, or Anxiety with guest Corinne Crabtree

Living With Your Child's Addiction Podcast
Living With Your Child's Addiction Podcast
EP76 Why Emotional Eating Doesn't Fix Worry, Stress, or Anxiety with guest Corinne Crabtree
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Prioritizing your physical, emotional, and mental health is essential when navigating the challenges of supporting a child struggling with substances. Taking care of yourself is not selfish, but rather necessary for your own well-being so you can support your child in a sustainable way. Today’s guest Corinne Crabtree is a master weight and life coach. Her program isn’t about WHAT you eat, it’s about WHY you eat when you’re not hungry and how to take better care of yourself. Self-care encompasses various aspects, including how you eat, sleep, and think about yourself. It’s important to practice self-compassion, forgive yourself for any perceived failures, and cultivate positive self-talk. Your mindset and self-perception play a crucial role in your overall well-being. Developing a healthy self-concept can greatly contribute to your ability to manage the difficult circumstances you face when you have a child struggling with substances.

Topics covered in this episode:

  • How to take care of yourself during hard seasons in life
  • What emotional eating is and why we do it
  • How eating and thoughts are connected
  • Why it’s hard to stick with behavior changes

Link to Corinne’s Free Weightloss Course & Website
Listen and Subscribe to the Losing 100 Pounds Podcast

Resources From Heather Ross Coaching

 

GUIDE ABOUT ENABLING – If you’ve ever worried about enabling, this guide is for you! https://heatherrosscoaching.com/perspective-about-enabling/

GROUP COACHING PROGRAM –  Peace of Mind Group for moms
https://heatherrosscoaching.com/peace-of-mind-community/

If you want coaching about your child’s addiction or anything else Sign up for a 45 minute $17 call with me using the link below

https://heatherrosscoachingcalendar.as.me/RoadtoRecovery⁠

 

There’s a new parent support group in Town. Use the link below to find out about the Invitation to Change support group Heather is hosting.

⁠⁠Learn More & Sign Up For The Invitation To Change Group⁠⁠

 

Follow me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/heatherrosscoaching

Follow me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/heatherrosscoaching/

⁠⁠Join the free Facebook group for parents who are struggling with a child’s addiction⁠

Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/heather-ross9/message

Transcript

This transcript has not been formatted or edited.

0:00

I’m Heather after many wasted years, trying outdated, approaches to my daughter’s addiction, that felt wrong to me harmed.

Our relationship and didn’t help my daughter.

I finally found an effective evidence-based approach, that repaired my relationship with her helped me.

0:19

Create my own peace of mind and made me an ally in my daughter’s recovery.

I teach you a loving and compassionate approach to help you encourage change and create Section addiction is a family disease in family recovery is the answer.

0:39

Self care.

And how you think about yourself is an important part of living with your child’s addiction.

Today’s episode is focused on self, care through the way, you eat the way you think about yourself and how you take care of yourself.

0:59

My guest today, Karin is a weight loss coach, but this episode is about so much more than that.

Her program isn’t Out what you eat.

It’s about why you eat and how to take better care of yourself.

1:18

I often use dieting as an example to help people understand substance use because food is a substance that can be used to numb and distract from unwanted feelings.

And I think that making that connection helps us understand our kids better relate to them.

1:39

Have more compassion for their recovery journey and most people have dieted at some point in their life.

So that’s something they can relate to an episode number 66, I used myself as an example to explain ambivalence and I shared how I wanted to lose weight, but I wasn’t making it a priority.

2:01

I was stuck in a rut, eating nothing but a protein, shake until dinner and then eating a big dinner.

Because I was starved by then and I wanted two things.

That’s the point of ambivalence.

At the same time I wanted to change that and prioritizing having lunches.

2:21

But I also wanted to stay the same because I didn’t feel like I had the energy to put into it, but it was really that I just wasn’t making it a priority and the way that I was thinking of it wasn’t I wasn’t putting enough value.

2:39

So I’m using my energy there, and when I talked about it on that episode, it helped me step out of that hamster wheel and it gave me the idea that I could think of food as a part of my self-care routine, because I’m willing to drive four hours round trip, for a sound bath.

3:00

Why can’t I value time invested in grocery shopping and making lunch the same way.

It just didn’t make any sense, so it This pivotal thought shift for me and it’s been much easier to make sure that I have food for lunch and block my schedule.

3:20

So that I actually have time during the day to eat lunch between calls because that was the other problem.

I was not paying close enough attention to my schedule.

Next thing, you know, I don’t like five calls in a row and no time for lunch.

So I made all of that a priority just from a thought shift.

3:37

So you can see how A shift in your thinking can made a huge difference in your life.

I’ve been listening to Corinne’s podcast for a couple of years.

And another thought shift that she helped me with is my thoughts about working out.

3:55

I used to only consider working out as a weight management tool.

I really didn’t like it very much and I did not like working out alone so I was always dependent on trying to find somebody to work.

With me because I didn’t trust myself to get to the gym or to go walk or whatever it was alone and one thought shift changed all of that for me as well because Karin talked about working out for strength and Mobility as you age rather than for weight loss and I want to be strong so that I can live a full free life.

4:35

I love to be active.

I don’t want to struggle to go up a flight of stairs.

Tears, when I’m 60 I started paying attention to like one day, I was sitting at the movies, it was just like three stairs and several people who were not that old struggled, just on those stairs and I thought, like, I don’t want to live like that, I want to be free.

4:56

So now I work out to be strong and healthy and just that shift in my thinking, like I don’t even have to think about it anymore.

It’s just what I go do every morning and I’m happy to go do it.

Alone.

I never think about, oh, I need somebody to meet me there.

5:14

So, when I was planning this episode and thinking about the questions that would serve the listeners of this podcast, I did not anticipate how much I would get out of this interview myself, because I’ve been around Karin for so long, and I’ve been listening to her podcast for years.

5:33

We both trained at the life coach school.

She was a coach there.

When I was a member of the program.

And she’s also been my business coach for the last four months.

So I was really surprised at this emotional experience.

I had talking to her and if I had to sum up, how I felt talking to her into emotions, I would choose acceptance and relief.

5:59

We talked about hard seasons in life and how sometimes crawling through those Seasons as the best you can do.

And I feel like I’ve been crawling for three, And I get really angry and resistant to it sometimes because that’s not my normal speed, I was okay with it.

6:18

The first year, I moved to Florida.

After my divorce, I took time to heal from that, and I was dealing with how it felt to move away from helana because she had stayed in Oklahoma.

So I was trying to get settled in here.

So I’ve been really intentional about taking that year slow because I wanted to focus on healing.

6:39

Lling.

So, I made better choices in my relationships in the future.

So then your to comes along, and I was ticked off about it because I felt healed from my divorce.

Helena had gone to treatment, and was living in Florida, and I was like, ready to expand my life.

6:59

But that’s when I found out, I had breast cancer.

So more crawling through that year, as I navigated that and all the emotions of it, it was just We a heavy experience and I had several surgeries.

So nine month into year two.

7:15

I was healed from my surgeries even know things had not turned out as planned.

My breast reconstruction had failed leaving me flat.

I had to wait before I could have more surgeries to attempt it again, I was just ready to run.

7:31

Like, as soon as I was healed, I was just so grateful to be out of bed because I was scared that I was just going to get stuck in the The cycle of infections, I was just so relieved that I was out having a good time for like three months.

7:47

And during that three months, I got to spend a lot of time with Helena and just make so many beautiful memories with friends, but it was just three short months later that Helena passed away.

And there, I was back to crawling again and that lasted for another year now, I’d say I’m walking And I would like to be running.

8:12

So I get frustrated that I’m just not there yet, and in the interview, current talks about a really hard experience that she faced as a mom, when her son was diagnosed with autism, and how she handled it.

8:28

And my brain just started exploding with these memories of this time period of my life, and I was so judgmental about it.

And I was trying to stay present in the interview with Karin, but I’m also processing these big events that were coming up for me, is she was talking and she shared about how she would sit in the waiting room and work on building her business.

8:56

While her son was at his doctors appointment, and as I’m looking at a woman that I really admire has Karin and I look up to her as a mentor.

Or and Mentor.

I said that wrong and she’s telling the story, I could feel how hard that was and I admired how she showed up for her son and her marriage and herself and her business during that time.

9:26

And there was this two-year period during Helena’s addiction that I was taking her to three or more, doctors appointments, every week I had nobody to help me or support me with that several days.

A I just spent hours driving her to appointments course, they were all during working hours, so I’m working on my laptop.

9:45

Well, I’m waiting for her and I felt guilty because it was so hard to be present because every moment that I was away from work, I had to make up for.

So I was trying to get my work done so I didn’t have to make up so much late at night.

10:03

So I’m working in these waiting rooms and it just Felt like I could never really fully be present anywhere during that time, not to mention the stress of everything that was happening.

So when I heard Karin share that, I was like, I’m just going to release all of that guilt because I was just doing the best I could.

10:25

And I say that to parents all the time.

And I really felt it for myself that I was doing the best I could in such a difficult situation where I felt like I was drowning, And I didn’t have enough time to be fully present in any area of my life, and I’m just ready to release that.

10:46

So that was another thing that happened while we were talking.

And the other thing that story brought up for me, was my frustration about this period in my life where I’m still not at full capacity and the thought that my brain offers the most is honestly super rude.

It’s that I’m wasting my life and I got all this time that my daughter didn’t get.

11:07

Pressure.

Right.

And that I need to do more with it, that I should want to do more with it and then I should be able to and that whole thought process is so messed up, because I’m focused on my priorities, which are building a business that offers more options for helping families get as healthy as possible, so that I can attempt breast reconstruction again.

11:33

Next year, I spend time with my friends and family and I have some travel plans and friends coming to visit, like, what in the world do I think that I should be doing besides that?

11:48

So in that moment I set my mind straight about that too.

I’ve never given up through all of this.

I just got moving forward, no matter what.

And instead of thinking, it’s not enough, just going to give myself some Grace and gratitude for showing up, no matter what is happening.

12:07

Being in my life and there was just so many more realizations, but I’ve already been talking for 12 minutes.

So, I’ve shared enough about me, it’s too bad that you can’t see my face in the video because I’m actually going to put the video of the interview on YouTube, but because I probably just was expressing so many emotions, but when she’s talking, you can only see her.

12:31

But so even if you’ve never thought about weight loss, you’ll get Out of this interview because what it really boils down to is how you show up for yourself, when life is full of challenges and you’re just trying to do the best you can in a really difficult situation.

12:53

So my guest today, Karin Crabtree is a Master Certified weight and life coach with a mission to help Every Woman break generational curses in order to improve their personal health.

Health and wealth Karin lost 100 pounds, 15 years ago and ever since she has dedicated her life to teaching women.

13:15

How to do the same Karin, Crabtree is one of the leading voices in the weight loss.

In business industry, she’s the host of the wildly successful podcast losing 100 pounds with koryn, which has been downloaded over 50 million times in 160 countries over 1 million, women have taken her free weight loss Of course, incur in.

13:39

Now serves over 14,000 paid members in the no BS weight loss program.

After being a featured expert at the life coach school and having her business ranked number 1052 in the Inc, 5000 fastest growing businesses of 2022 Karin.

13:57

Founded, the no BS businesswomen’s membership, the program provides online.

Entrepreneurs with simple framework, stools and focused.

They need to take action and build the business of their dreams.

In addition, Karin offers Advanced weight loss life, coach training, for coaches, dietitians and medical professionals who want to improve their quality clients weight loss outcomes.

14:23

You can catch Karin on Facebook and Instagram talking shit about the diet and online marketing into industry.

Her greatest passion is helping women.

Get rid of their old, shity Thoughts by using self.

Love to never quit on them.

Selves again.

14:39

So check out the show notes to learn more about Karin or to find the link to sign up for a sample call with me.

Current.

Thank you so much for being on the podcast today.

Thank you for having me.

So let’s start with what makes your weight loss program at different than all the other approaches.

15:01

Well, one is we actually have real humans.

I used to say it was because we did the emotions in the thought work and you’ve got a few like Weight Watchers, they dabbled in it for a little bit.

Now they’re kind of Switching gears more going into some like the points plus like some weight loss medication-assisted stuff Noom.

15:24

They do some of the behavioral stuff and I looked into all of them and what I found was while they were introducing some of the emotional and behavioral thinking type stuff they were doing it with like robots and automations.

15:41

And what I have learned is that when someone needs to work on emotional eating and when they really need to figure out, The reasons behind why they’re eating.

Why they can’t distress without food?

Why they can only enter.

It’s like, the only entertainment they have is around food.

15:58

Like, so many of my women will say, well, if I quit overeating, what will I do with myself?

Like, I don’t know, maybe we should explore that instead of eating every night, that’s a personal experience.

And so I think what makes us different is that we keep, we do not do calorie counting.

16:14

We do not do food rules.

You will not get less.

And We will not talk macros.

What we do is we talk about common sense, Basics on getting back to the way our body is designed to eat and we combine it with anything, we eat that.

Our body doesn’t need is coming from some emotional component and let’s unwind it and let’s decide intentionally.

16:37

What do you want?

That relationship with food in yourself to be?

How do you want to talk to yourself?

What dreams and goals?

Are you not going after?

Because you don’t think you can.

So you’re eating.

So we We are a more, I would say personalized, deeper experience and other programs.

16:54

Yeah.

So and you mentioned overeating to fix stress, worry, anxiety.

And what is emotional eating, and why do we do it?

So emotional eating is just essentially, so your body needs only a certain amount of food each day.

17:11

So at some point it’s going to say, yo, hungry time.

Let’s go and then it’s going to be like, whoo, I’ve had enough.

This is all I’m Going to need to help you through the day.

Anything outside of?

That is emotional eating.

So it will sound like this.

The light version is, why don’t want to waste food.

17:30

I mean, like my husband cook that.

I’d hate to throw that out.

That would be so wasteful.

That is emotional eating.

That’s you not wanting to feel wasteful.

Instead of like, thinking about how, why would I treat my body like a garbage disposal?

17:47

Why not just Not eat all of it until I figure out how to serve myself.

Less then we can buy less at the grocery store, then we can cook less.

So it’s like examining that all the way to a lot of my women eat at night, because literally during the day, they’re taking no time for themselves.

18:06

They are like they get up, they start with the kids, then they go to the work and then they come home and they’re back with the kids, and they’re doing all of this stuff all day long, and they’re saying yes to everyone.

One.

And then at night when it gets quiet, they’re left with themselves and all day long.

18:24

They’ve been pushing themselves, like you got to do this, you have to do this, you’re not doing enough.

You’re like yeah, a lot of my women will like talk about failing as a mother.

They think they’re failing as a mother, if they don’t Delight in every to fart of their child, they just have all of these things that they think.

18:40

And then at night, it can’t just sit there and take a break every thing that they did wrong racist.

Their head, every thing that they need to do tomorrow if they’re afraid they’re going to forget is crowding and yelling at them.

18:57

And so they end up eating because what they really need at night is a break.

They truly need rest, they deserve rest, they don’t think they do.

And so they eat to turn off those voices instead of figuring out.

How do I start talking to myself differently?

19:15

How do I not like Crack the whip on myself all day long to perform.

How do I tell myself?

I don’t have to earn braids like I’m just a human if I’m tired I just get to go to bed.

I don’t have to earn it.

So it’s emotional eating is where you’re usually either trying to create an emotion with food like entertainment if you’re bored.

19:38

If like you’re at work and you’re unchallenged, emotional eating might be at 3:00 in the afternoon.

You start running out of stuff to do or you don’t like what you have to do.

And if You don’t eat.

You look unproductive or you feel lazy or you need your second wind, whatever it is.

19:53

That’s emotional eating.

So it’s creating feelings or trying to avoid feelings, okay?

And I just want to make the connection here about how that’s just like somebody using any drug or substance in order to change how they feel.

20:10

It’s just using food instead.

Yeah, a food is so accessible, that’s why it’s that’s why so So many of us use it.

It’s like a lot of us are going to be like, well, I’ve got Mom guilt.

I really don’t want to go out and buy like a line of coke.

20:26

Hey, but food is just sitting there and it’s instant, and it tastes good.

It’s designed to light us up.

It is like I just like to tell women, you do not need to fill a shame that you emotionally every human being does it.

It’s just sometimes it gets a little out of control because we’re never taught to deal with her emotions and were put into an environment with food that is Mine to give us false pleasure all the time.

20:51

Like if you eat a Twinkie, you’re going to feel amazing.

I hope people like Twinkie but it’s loaded with sugar.

And if you’re really tired and you are bored, a Twinkie will watch your brain up.

They will like a Snicker.

21:06

It’ll be like a good option.

A good saw for you.

We just have to remember there’s nothing wrong or broken with us because we want to eat those things this up.

And I honestly I teach my clients you know Have all the Twinkies and have all the Snickers you want.

I just want you to learn how to eat them in a way where you’re actually enjoying them.

21:25

The way that I like to teach my clients is, there’s no good or bad foods out there.

There’s just the food you like and we want to make sure that you get to eat your food.

You like, the problem is not that.

The problem comes in when you’re eating these Foods because you had a bad day or because you’re tired, or you’re stressed out, you’re overwhelmed.

21:44

You think you’re too busy, that is the problem.

And Want to resolve that stuff and then you get to enjoy these foods.

Not just eating them to cope.

Yeah.

And so that’s connected to thought work.

How do you use thought?

22:01

Work along with your program to help people like understand why they’re eating and make a different choice or whether overeating.

So the first thing we do is we teach our members that there’s only two things.

You really have to think about when it comes to food before you eat something, you ask, am I, huh?

22:17

Hungry, if you’re not hungry, you don’t eat if you’re and I’m not talking starving hunger, not diet, trauma hunger.

I’m talking about the first Whispers then when you’re eating, you’re going to pay attention and you’re going to stop when you’ve had enough.

Not when you’re full, not when you got your money’s worth.

22:36

Not when you’ve cleaned your plate, we’re going to stop on our body says it’s had enough, then we’re going to watch and we’re going to see why am I eating outside of those windows?

Those are the parameters.

But what always happens is with all anyone that’s emotionally eating is, you will have times when, you know, you’re not hungry but you eat anyway, you will have times when, you know, you’ve had enough, but you say I just want it.

23:05

And so I teach them how to figure out why did you just want to in that moment, if food wasn’t the answer, what is it that you truly needed in that moment?

And when we can identify What we really need.

Then we can start looking at what how do you give that to yourself?

23:23

What are other ways that we can be doing this?

And where is it?

That you’re not giving yourself?

What are the conversations you’re having that take away your comfort that don’t give you like, if you’re real guilty or whatever.

What are those things that are going on in your head?

23:39

Let’s dive in and let’s understand those thinking’s.

And then get a new perspective on them.

It’s all about switching the perspectives.

Because if we, You take away the root cause of what’s causing your emotional, eating your emotional eating desires, go way down.

So if we solve the root cause losing weight becomes a whole lot easier.

23:59

Yeah.

Yeah.

And you mentioned, identifying what you need or want?

And so often, like when I’m working with somebody and I ask them what they want, they say, they don’t know and I was there at one point to where I had no idea when somebody asked me that question because I was using all these things outside of me too.

24:17

To find up to buffer that without ever even investigating.

Yeah, usually what I do with people is I just kind of keep pressing different angles.

So if somebody says like, Well in that moment, I didn’t know.

I usually have them just close their eyes and take a few deep breaths and like let’s go back to the last time, this happened.

24:36

The actual moment and I have them visualize the whole experience, I have them.

Tell me what was going on in your body.

Like what are you thinking?

What are you noticing in this moment and And we start kind of like saying like Okay if you weren’t able to eat, when would you have to feel it?

24:53

What would would something be uncomfortable with something be exciting.

So I kind of like leave little like nuggets because when someone doesn’t know, it’s not that they don’t know, it’s that something in their brain is blocking them from the access to it because they’re probably afraid to admit something.

25:14

There’s something that they wouldn’t want.

Anybody else to know.

Or it’s like But if I admit this, what does that mean about me?

So it’s usually the ego is trying to protect us and self preserve us because it’s like, what if I knew why?

What I really needed.

25:29

I would probably feel really bad about myself because I didn’t have it or because I needed to use food.

The brain will always try to protect you and I don’t know, to me, it’s one of those things.

The brain throws it up as a protection mechanism.

And so we just want to kind of poke and prod at it from a lot of different angles and we teach that in our course we give our members Frameworks on how do you attack it from all these different angles?

25:53

How do you ask different questions?

How do you we have a for ends process where we can.

Sometimes we’ll tell our members just spend a week this week.

Don’t try to fix like, nighttime eating is really an easy one because a lot of us do it and it’s when we’re usually at our emotional end for the day and it’s like urges are high.

26:14

In our emotional reserves, to be able to reason and think and wonder what our future self would do our at the all-time low.

And so we want to somehow figure out like, all right, what is going on that night time?

26:31

Eating really is the solve for us.

So what I usually have people do is say this week.

You’re not going to fix it this week.

What you’re going to do is every time you’re eating, you’re just going to pay attention to everything, you think?

Ink and you’re just going to note it and I don’t want you to do anything with it and I want you to keep eating, I’d like literally don’t touch it because a lot of times we get we’ve got to figure out what that is.

26:53

We have to bypass the brain and sometimes the best way to bypass the brains hesitation in wall is to just give it permission to eat for a week.

Let’s do it as normal but we also give ourselves permission to listen.

Because the next week we can do is we can poke holes at like now we know what you really need.

27:12

Now we can kind of figure out.

What we can do for you and what we can take care of for you.

Yeah.

And so often what comes up is, if I say this out loud, or if I think about what I want, then it all means I’m a bad mom.

27:29

Like that just seems to be under so much for women.

That’s why we want to know that because your brain is sitting there thinking and that means I’m a bad mom, we have like most women don’t even know.

Does it really tell me how that makes you?

You a bad mother and then tell me how that doesn’t make you a bad mother.

27:49

It is amazing when I coach women on things like that they just think that’s so real.

And so we started asking questions and it knocks them off guard.

They’re like well I can’t even prove this, oh my gosh, I’ve been thinking this for so long and now I don’t even have really good proof and sometimes they do have proof but then this is what I teach them.

28:07

It’s like all right so let’s say you have some proof that you’re a bad mother.

This is like the very definition of it and it feels Really true to you.

What else is equally as true, sometimes.

What I do is I have my clients say, like, I just have them play in this land of.

28:23

I know this feels true, but it doesn’t make it the only truth.

What else could be true here?

And I make them keep thinking on it until they figure out other things that are equally.

True that feel slightly better or different just to show them.

28:40

So there is another way to think about.

It may not be the best.

Way, it may not be the ultimate way.

It may not even make you feel amazing but now, you know, there’s not just one way.

And so often that is what’s critical to help.

Someone unwind years and years of thinking, I’m a bad mother.

29:00

I’m not doing enough.

I’m not good enough, I should be better.

Yeah, yeah.

There’s so many more options.

We always seem to choose to think the worst ones about ourselves.

Oh yeah.

So a lot of the listeners, I mean, Going through really intense stuff with their kids and their substance use and they’re feeling really overwhelmed about it.

29:20

So when somebody’s in that situation like Words a good place to start to take better care of themselves and eating healthier, I think the first thing is, I don’t even know if I would try to eat healthier at first.

I probably just try to figure out what do you emotionally?

29:36

Most need for some people when they’re going through really tough seasons.

And this is, I know the weight loss coach, but I truly believe this.

When you are going through a really tough season, probably not the time to be trying to lose weight and you need to Define.

29:52

What do you want eating to?

Truly, look like, if the best you can do some days, is ice cream for dinner, then let’s just do it intentionally long-term.

Taking care of yourself, is not about what you consume and it’s not even about how much you consume long term.

30:09

It’s more about the reasoning and the intentionality behind, you’re It.

So, if you can form during the toughest season of your life intentionality around, like I choose to do this right now, I choose to stay in bed today.

I choose to cry.

30:25

I choose to eat over this because I don’t know any other way to take care of myself.

Right now.

It least you know that you’re making choices.

Instead of this situation is doing this to me.

It’s all about like teaching yourself at the end of the day, you have your back.

30:44

Back, no matter what you will always be.

The one making the decisions.

You will always think things through, you will never blame anything ever again for it.

Because the moment that and I don’t say blame like in a bad way.

It’s like when we hand over that these things are causing our pain.

31:02

We’ve also handed over all of our Solutions when you’re going through an incredibly tough season, if the only solution is that person is fixed or different.

You have no hope of feeling different because the likelihood sometimes of those situations changing fast enough in order for you to feel better is zero.

31:23

It could be a long, like a, if your child is suffering from depression, or you have a child who is into drugs or whatever, it could be a while before that resolves and we can’t wait to the end in order for you to feel cared for in order for you to know how to nurture yourself in order for you to know how to take care of.

31:44

Self that work has to begin now.

Wow, we’re in crisis mode.

What I watch most women do is throw it all away.

Like I’m throwing away, everything for me and just dealing with this crisis, there’s ways to still care for yourself, and sometimes it means taking a beat and breathing and saying, the best I can do in this moment.

32:04

It’s eat pizza, but I just want to know that.

I’m doing it on purpose.

I no longer do it thinking, I have no hope I’m breaking that part of my All yeah.

What you said about not waiting for your child to be better is so important that we have to figure out how to create our own Peace of Mind.

32:24

Our own happiness, no matter what’s going on with our kids and I liked what you said about, I’m eating because I don’t know what else to do because I think so often parents don’t know what else to do or the, their kids addictions changing faster than they can keep up with and I think that that’s really powerful just too.

32:44

Admit to yourself because like, for me for a long time when I didn’t know what to do I was very I was just like, hiding from it.

I was working all the time, whatever I could do to get away from it, but admitting it that I didn’t know what else what to do.

32:59

And that I was completely lost was actually really a changing point for me.

Yeah.

I like that.

It can offer some relief like it’s like I just think when we tell ourselves the truth of what’s happening for us we have When we have the truth, we also have Solutions presented.

33:17

When you’re not telling the truth, the solutions will never present.

Remember when my son was diagnosed with autism, he was five and I had lost my weight at that point.

And I was already trying to build my little weight loss business and the day after he was diagnosed my husband and I it’s a crazy story but this was back in 2000 and I can’t remember how I think it was six or seven somewhere around.

33:44

There.

And that night, my husband got online and found us a conference in New Jersey.

We live in Nolensville booked tickets, but do you have a babysitter for our child?

He called his parents, who lived three hours away?

They had no idea.

33:59

We were testing Logan to tell them that he had been diagnosed.

They needed to get to Nashville as we had a flight at 9 a.m. in the morning to go to New Jersey for a conference.

So as my husband always does, he’s just an amazing.

Idiot action taker the day.

34:15

We got there.

They told us that 85 percent of marriages end in divorce when the diagnosis of autism comes and I was devastated.

I loved my husband.

My whole world had just literally been blown up in one afternoon at Vanderbilt Hospital and that night I looked at my husband and said we’re getting pizza and I’m eating all I want I will regroup tomorrow but I can’t do another thing today and that like the best best thing I could do for myself in that moment was just that eat my face off and I look back at that moment and I think about why didn’t I just regain all my weight?

34:53

And I think it was because in that moment I didn’t say I can’t handle myself in that moment.

I was like this is how I’m going to handle myself.

I went in with wide eyes wide open and I knew it was not going to be my long-term strategy, but it was going to get me through that night and I just need to get through one night and then have the courage, the Excited.

35:14

Decide what would I need that day to keep putting feet.

My feet in front of each other and I think it’s powerful.

When you tell yourself the truth, we don’t have to be perfect.

We don’t have to be models of Health all the time to actually take really good care of ourselves.

35:32

Yeah.

And you are such a great example of like, even though that really tough thing was happening in your life, you still continued to build the best possible life for Yourself and for your family.

Because so many people think and I thought those two initially with my daughter that like, there’s this thing, keeping them from the life that they want.

35:54

Like it doesn’t matter what the thing is, like I’ve noticed most people think there’s something in the way of the life I should be having and I can’t have it until that thing changes and no matter what it is, we still have the option of building the best possible life for ourselves, no matter what that thing is just building around it.

36:14

Acting it like you said, like admitting the truth.

Yeah.

I just think, like, whatever you want in life.

It’s, you know, if you have something, if you’re in crisis or something, it may be the smallest of steps, but as long as you just keep taking steps forward, you’re going to get closer to what it is.

36:30

You want.

It’s it’s never helpful to just give up on your dreams.

Now, if you’re putting them on pause intentionally, I’m going to focus here and then I’m coming back to this.

That’s one thing but I just I have always been of the mind that all I needed to do was take small steps towards anything that I want, and eventually I’d get there.

36:52

And I would have seasons of wife where I could Sprint, and I would have seasons of life where I had to crawl.

When Logan had his diagnosis.

It was crawling time.

We had to redo everything in our life to work on this.

And that’s okay, I worked around.

37:10

Like I just picked the most important things in my life.

And I made sure those were on the list and I got really good at saying, no to worry.

I mean, I wanted to worry about that child.

I often worried about that child and I would say, like shut it down.

37:27

You’ve worried enough, we need to take some action, we don’t know what’s going to happen.

And you sitting here trying to paint the worst case scenario is for sure.

Not helping you, and I just had to have a lot of honest conversations with myself, but I got really good at prioritizing.

37:43

I, Got really good at disappointing people.

When you have a family crisis going on, you ain’t got extra time to people, please.

I think it’s like, you have to decide what is important in your life and then you have to be the mama bear to protect all of it.

Including you.

38:00

You have to be your own Mama Bear.

We’re not just going to mama bear the children.

We have to mama bear us to like I remember after Logan got diagnosed.

I his days were filled with therapy, like running all over Nashville.

If we weren’t going Place in Nashville, somebody was coming to our house and I started waking up at 4 a.m. because I was like, I am going to build a business and I’m going to continue to exercise.

38:26

So my butt was every morning waking up at 4 a.m. because I knew that Logan would hit the floor at 6:30, it was all over with.

I had two and a half hours to get my jam on and I’ve made the most of it and then I’d take care of Logan.

38:42

And if I had other pockets, So, that’s when I would work on my business, but I made sure that that was all I ever did.

You didn’t see me going out with friends.

You didn’t see me doing a lot of other things, but I kept my date night with my husband.

I kept my relationship with my son and I kept the relationship with myself.

38:59

I knew it my top three word and that’s where I focused.

I love that.

Yeah.

And during these tough Seasons, I like the way you talk about, just really reeling it in.

And, and it’s okay, if Our life is smaller during that time that that’s like what’s best.

39:18

Like you mentioned.

Just working on your marriage and your business and taking care of your health and Logan like and nothing else mattered at that point.

Yeah.

And then honestly it didn’t feel like a small life I mean it just didn’t it felt right to me but I think it’s because I went in intentionally like if I’m going to fill my life this is what I’m feeling it with.

39:44

If there’s ever extra time yeah I’ll go out with girlfriends and stuff but I also knew like there were just other things that were more important right now and that’s what I said yes to and I think it’s so important and I can’t stress enough intentionality behind your decisions, don’t be apologizing for them.

40:02

Just be very intentional and then you don’t have to be a but hold of people about it but you just start tightening up what you’re going to focus on and you put your energy there and that doesn’t I mean, that every day is good, most of my days, stunk back then.

Like if I wasn’t crying in one therapist office, I was crying or therapist office worrying about him, not have my big cry and then I’d like, right regroup, what’s next?

40:28

And I did that for a long time that crying was therapeutic.

I never apologized for being emotional, I would just say, like, look, I’m really scared about this, I need you to tell me what do I need to know?

And I just Art Mullen houses like it’s the best I can do and it was so good for me because it want it taught me to never be ashamed of my emotions.

40:53

It also taught me that most people never freaked out when you’re emotional.

I always thought that, like, when I was younger, that people would freak out like in my family, people did not, like emotions I learned as an adult that, that wasn’t true.

41:10

And I’m so glad I gave myself a gift.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

It sounds like so you were really busy during that time.

How did you balance?

Like when it felt like maybe you didn’t have time to make healthy meals or eat healthy?

I never told myself, I don’t have time.

41:26

So here’s my trick for everyone because I did a lot of running around like them, I figured out like all right, if I’m going to eat healthy what has to happen for that to happen and that’s when I discovered food prep on Sundays.

I like had never food prepped and I was like I’m going to make all the All in one day so that I have something I can grab on the way to all these appointments.

41:49

So that I’m not stuck in the drive-thrus, I knew me.

I’m the one reason why I had been £250 as I was a lover of McDonald’s.

Hey, I had the foam finger.

I was like number one fan coming through every day and I knew that if I was out and about all the time and hungry that was going to be setting myself up for failure.

42:12

So I would Food prep on Sundays.

Sometimes I did it for in the morning you would smell chicken cooking.

It 4:00 in the morning, in my house.

Sometimes it was in the afternoons.

My husband would watch our son.

While I would like do the food prep I would cook his meals Logan’s because we all 38 different Logan.

42:29

Had a very special diet for a few years.

So I had to make all of his food and then I made what I like to eat and then my husband eats like a like a Frankenstein.

Each stall completely different food.

So I’d have to food prep for all of us.

I just got really good.

Figuring out like how am I going to make this happen and it sometimes eating the same thing every day for a week is really boring but I traded being bored with my food during a very stressful time in my life then being ashamed that I couldn’t keep my weight off feeling regret losing something that meant so much to me was like I was already I felt like at the time it was there’s a morning that comes when you get a diagnosis like that.

43:13

Thank you.

You feel like you lose a child and even though he was sitting there, right?

In front of me, just felt like, I’d lost tea and I didn’t know.

If I’d ever find him.

He couldn’t talk.

He was just it’s the sweetest child, but Does it know what would happen?

43:33

And I was not about to lose all of the progress I had made on myself.

I was not about to lose this little business.

I was trying to build.

I just kept telling myself.

We’re not doing this and it was just getting intentional.

I just, I always said there are 24 hours in a day.

43:52

I sleep eight, I work eight.

And I’ve got eight other hours every day to do the best I can.

What am I going to do with them?

And I think most people never, they don’t even realize that most people never realize.

44:08

Like I bet I listened to thousands of hours of podcasts.

He’s in the car when we were driving the therapies because that was the best time that I could learn how to build my business.

I called it rolling University, like I just got really good at figuring out how I would take my laptop to therapy when he was in therapy.

44:29

I worked like I just was like, I’m not not going to be a victim to this.

Just no way.

It was hard.

I was scared and all the things but I didn’t give up.

Yeah, somebody said to me, I got me emotional after my daughter passed away addiction takes what it’s going to take, but you can control what you give to it.

44:52

And like, that’s what you were just saying about with your son’s diagnosis.

There’s that loss of the dream or what you thought it would be, which is the same thing that we experience when our kids are struggling with substance use.

And yeah just that like determination of I’m not going to give this anything else.

45:13

Even though I’ve lost my daughter to it, I’m going to minimize, I’m going to give some to it.

It’s inevitable because I’m human, but I’m going to minimize that as much as possible.

And I’m not going to let it take any more than it already has.

Amen.

45:29

I agree.

Yeah.

So I guess one last question.

What do you tell people like who they’ve tried?

They struggled to lose weight.

They haven’t been able to in the past.

They think it’ll never happen for them.

How do you People like that, there’s two things.

45:46

I would tell people.

Number one, is that, every success story I’ve ever known it’s lost weight.

Especially the more you struggled in your past every one of us on day one doubted, that last time we lost our way.

I remember, when I got off the couch, it was like all right.

46:04

Today’s the day I’m going to do something.

I had zero belief.

I was going to lose 100 pounds – 0.

This is find me a negative number.

That’s where I was at.

It doesn’t matter if you believe not in the beginning, what it what really matters is, can you stay focused on today?

46:21

And I got this from been Pugh who is another podcaster.

He was telling me the story about GPS is he said your life is as you’re going through it, it’s like a GPS a-gps only cares where you are now and where you’re going, it doesn’t care what street you were just on.

46:39

It doesn’t care what street you drove down last week.

It’s never using it.

Of that past to try to calculate on where you’re going.

GPS is always looking at the route and trying to figure out how to navigate you there, and that’s all you have to do is use that.

46:55

Like, if you want to lose weight, you just have to like, all right, this is where I’m starting.

What’s the first left turn?

What’s the next turn?

Where do I go straight?

Where do I need to reroute?

It’s literally all weight loss is, so if you quit looking back, it’s a lot easier.

47:11

Because when you look at today, you Actually, see what you can change when you look back.

You’re not really seeing anything.

Yeah, I was just thinking when you said that about how like when kids are, kids are trying to get into recovery and they feel like it won’t work.

47:29

It’s the same exact thing.

I never really made that connection before or the fear that we have.

His parents that it won’t work this time or that it’s been 20 times.

So it’s never going to work.

But it’s really the same thing just like the GPS story.

It’s the same explanation like it just because it didn’t work all those times before.

47:48

It doesn’t mean it won’t this time.

It doesn’t, it doesn’t mean not to try.

Of course, it’s going to be scary because where your brain is trying to.

Like, it’s just trying to create some certainty and especially if your kid is in a crisis, you’re not going to be able to create certainty that it will work.

48:06

Your brain has too much passed evidence, that it’s not so far that you can create certainty that you don’t know.

Exactly what will happen this time.

Like be certain that I have a podcast that I did a long time ago.

I need to like, have my team.

48:22

Reboot this one because it was a good one but it was talking about your Magic Moment.

One of the saddest things that I think so many people do is they sit back and they like it’s weight loss.

They like if they don’t start again and they never know when that was going to be their magic moment.

48:40

The day that I was sitting on my couch well over.

D lb looking at my son at 10:00 in the morning, he was a year old and I couldn’t play with him.

I am so glad that I doubted that.

I was scared to death but I took action anyway because that was my magic moment and I had no clue that.

48:58

It was it.

None of us know when that’s coming, you will not know until you are a success and then you’ll look back and be like that was the moment you’re not supposed to know it in the moment you’re supposed to feel like but like that’s just If you’re going to do anything, that’s scary, or anything that you’re scared of, it just feels like but in the beginning, but we need to normalize that it doesn’t mean something’s wrong, it means.

49:25

Yeah, get going time.

It’s here.

Yeah, that’s so good.

Be certain, it can be different this time.

I love that.

So you want to just tell us to end a little bit about your program and how it works for anybody that’s interested in checking it out.

49:43

Yeah.

So if you’re interested in losing weight, it is called the no BS weight loss program.

It’s a membership where you get me coaching and group, you get a force Community.

All kinds of amazing things.

Most people do really well, if they will take my free course first, so that you could, I know we haven’t been cussing on this, but I’m a voracious cusser, so it’s really good for you.

50:07

I always like for people to try my free course first is like, let’s just make sure that you like the LIE.

I’ve Hussey animated version of Korean.

This has been more of the light, emotional the Deep Cuts, you get all of it when you get me.

I mean, you get all of me but there’s also another crazy but side too.

50:27

So go to no BS, free course.com and we will send you our little free weight loss.

Course it over a million people have already taken it.

It’s been very helpful for so many people and it will give you a taste of my Common Sense plus mindset approach to losing weight.

50:43

Wait.

Alright well, thank you so much for just being vulnerable and open and just sharing your experience because I think it doesn’t matter.

What are our kids are struggling or they’re going through something or things aren’t like we expect it’s just not easy for any of us so I appreciate you sharing that so openly with us too well, thank you.

51:07

Thank you for listening to this episode.

If you want to learn more about my work, go to Heather.

Ross coaching.com if you want to help other parents who are struggling with a child’s addiction, you can do it two different ways.

First, you can share the podcast with them directly or you can share it on your social media second.

51:26

You can leave a review, talk to you next week.