Episode 15 Saving You Is Killing Me – Guest Andrea Seydel

Living While Loving Your Child Through Addiction
Living While Loving Your Child Through Addiction
Episode 15 Saving You Is Killing Me - Guest Andrea Seydel
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Guest Andrea Seydel, author of the book Saving You is Killing Me Loving Someone With an Addiction.  This episode is full of easy to implement concepts and actions to help you build strength and resilience while going through a loved one’s addiction. 

A few of the topics we covered:

  • What positive psychology is and how it can help you
  • The concept of struggling well
  • What resilience is and how to create it

If you want to learn more about Andrea or her book you can go to her website

https://www.andreaseydel.com/savingyouiskillingme

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Transcript

This transcript has not been formatted or edited.

0:06

I’m Heather.

And this is a living with addiction podcast where I show you how you have more power than you realize when it comes to helping yourself and your child that struggling with addiction.

Hey everybody.

0:21

Welcome to the living with addiction podcast.

Happy Thursday, I have a new guest today.

Her name is Andrea Seidel and I happened to notice her on Instagram because of the name of her book and podcast.

0:38

It really caught my attention because they’re both called saving.

You is killing me.

Loving someone with addiction.

And the title, says it all for me.

Me because that’s exactly what I experienced with.

0:54

My daughter when I was struggling with her addiction, the first couple of years before I really knew what to do to help myself.

I literally had one of those moments where I thought, if I don’t start focusing on myself, I’m going to die.

So the I just love that title because it just says it also Android.

1:14

You want to tell us a little bit about yourself.

Well, first of all, thank you, heather.

So much for having me on the show.

Such a pleasure.

Yeah, I’m the author of saving you is killing me, loving someone with an addiction.

And sadly.

It’s the reality that so many people are going through right now.

1:32

I think that drug addiction is a worldwide epidemic and I mean there’s some there’s bound to be somebody in your life that, you know, is dealing with substance abuse problems or addiction.

And and it’s, you know what, it ends up sucking away your Our and it’s it takes you away from your life.

1:52

And sometimes I remember thinking in my head, oh my gosh.

Like, you know what, loving you is killing me.

Like, he’s trying to save.

You is killing me like literally.

And so, I was, you know, I went through the whole process.

I did have somebody in my life that was an active addiction and was hiding it actually until he couldn’t.

2:12

And then, so he I was able to take back my power, have the courage to focus on me and actually, I lost Tim to addiction.

So I was able to I kind of was forced to take back my power.

And what’s interesting is I do have training in positive psychology as a positive psychology practice practitioner and life coach.

2:33

And I thought I had all these resiliency skills and, you know, but nobody prepared me for the struggle and the pain in the crisis that you go through.

When you love someone with an addiction is just incredible.

Yeah, I think that it’s very unique.

2:50

Meek and it’s one of those things where when we find ourselves in that unexpected situation and we start looking for help, there’s a lot of so many answers out there that don’t agree and so it ends up being really overwhelming and so you told us a little bit about what prompted you to write this book that you were in a relationship with somebody.

3:20

Do with struggling with addiction.

But could you tell us a little bit more about that and how that experience LED you to, you know, needing to share this information with the world?

Yeah, well, you know what?

3:36

It was, one of the hardest things I’ve gone through in my life and I’m with the school of thought that, you know what, you never want to put struggle to waste.

And because I did go through so much struggle, and I did reach out to a lot of support.

Groups and life coaches and therapists, and I drew on all my own resources and training and education.

3:57

And it was so it was very, very challenging and I thought, you know what, I can’t put this struggle to waste and I thought that I need to publish something that’s going to be a resource that can help others who might be not doing so well in this sit in a similar situation.

4:17

So it’s you know that expressions like okay turn that left turn.

Lemons into lemonade.

And so, so that’s what I did is, I, I mean, I, I do, I have a publishing company and I do coach people to write books and so this was just another one of these books that I thought this has to go to the world and it has like I want it to even I always say, even if my book can help one person then you know what, this is great.

4:42

So the book is all actually, it’s interesting.

The book is actually about finding the courage to focus on you.

So you can put your life back together and take Back your power.

So it’s not about the addicted, loved one in your life.

It’s really about you.

And so, what I did is I drew and I drew on all the science backed evidence based research on resiliency.

5:03

And so, because that’s my education, that’s my training.

So I really did combine the, the struggle that you might endure, when you love someone with an addiction and I drew on all the science of human flourishing.

So that people can even though they’re I’m through such a struggle.

5:21

They can actually struggle.

Well, Yeah, I really like that struggling.

Well and I want to go back to that in a minute but I love that you mentioned.

How focusing on yourself is the answer because our instinct is always to focus on the other person.

5:40

There the one with the problem we’ve got to fix them and that really is what leads to our powerlessness.

It’s what kept me struggling with my relationship with my daughter for so many years before I was able to help.

Either of us, you know, until I turn that around and started focusing on myself, but you mentioned resiliency and I love the word resilience.

6:04

Can you talk a little bit more about that?

Yeah.

Well resiliency is almost like if you think about like, you know, those really bouncy balls.

You can bounce you throw down on the floor and just rebounds off the floor and bounces back really, really high.

Is that idea bouncing back, it’s the capacity or the ability that we Have in, or when we are going through, Trace crisis and turmoil, and struggle, and disappointment, and all these things are trauma.

6:33

Even in our life, we do have the capacity to bounce back.

We have the ability to be resilient, resiliency and resiliency skills are like a muscle, the more, we practice them, the better we get at it and that’s the whole field of positive psychology.

6:48

It is the science of the bounce-back factor or the ability to Ashish and the ability to, you know, bounce back from adversity.

And so resiliency, some people would argue or positive psychology.

Some people say, okay.

So is it like happy ology or like, you know, like it’s always positive sunshine and butterflies all the time when really it’s not about that.

7:11

The reality is that we are going to have struggled in our life.

We are going to be faced with Challenge and when we love someone with an addiction, oh my goodness.

We are definitely faced with a lot of struggle and turmoil and Island and abuse, even.

7:26

So the reality is, is that resiliency is the idea is the ability to bounce back from adversity.

It’s acknowledging that.

You know, what?

This is hard and acknowledge that, you know, you, we are going to have negative emotions, we are going to have struggle, but what is the best and most effective way, or what are some skill sets that we can adopt in order to help us bounce back or struggle?

7:50

Well, through this adversity.

So it’s not Attending bad things.

Don’t happen.

It’s more about gaining more of these skills in order to help us so that we can you know, bounce back better yet.

I think that’s a really hard concept to get in the beginning when you’re really deep in some serious pain.

8:12

You know, like loving somebody who’s struggling with addiction.

It’s hard to see how you could learn from that and actually come.

And, you know, Out in the end, it with, by creating a better life with the skills that you have to learn to get through loving them through their addiction.

8:32

And that, it’s really hard to believe that you can bounce back if they aren’t bouncing back as well.

And so I love the idea of flourishing because that’s what happened to me inadvertently?

Like all I wanted to do was feel better and that was my goal when I started looking for, Help for myself, but it went so far beyond that because I opened my mind up to, oh my gosh, like the things I’m learning my life actually could be better than it was before I wanted it to just be what it was before I just wanted to be happy.

9:08

But then I realized before was broken and I needed a new normal.

And so I love that you’re sharing that idea about flourishing in the middle of a crisis or adversity and also the That you mentioned that it’s not, just, I’m always saying, you know, our thoughts, create our reality, but it’s not just thinking happy thoughts.

9:32

It’s that we can manage our thoughts and decide how we’re going to think about our situation, which is going to todas totally shape our experience of it.

Yeah, I know you raised such an amazing point.

There, is that?

9:48

Yeah.

Sometimes when you’re in the muck of it and I sometimes like you’re in the quicksand.

It’s like, oh my God.

You’re stinking or your, you know, drowning under water, when you’re in it, it’s very hard to think that there could potentially be growth from this.

There could potentially be learning in there, you know, there’s going to be, you know, you’re going to come out the other side, you know, that much better when you’re in.

10:08

It is very, very hard.

And and what we call that in positive psychology is adopting real-time resilience.

So sometimes we just need simple things in the moment to help us and that could be as simple as mindfulness.

Like, One of the interventions in positive psychology is the idea of mindfulness and being in the moment and practicing gratitude.

10:31

So for example, you can, you know, when we go off on, sometimes these worry, Rubble Nations or tangents like, you know, oh my gosh, like thinking, I hope they’re not going to overdose or where are they?

Like I haven’t heard from from the hours.

It’s like maybe they’re in the ditch somewhere, maybe they’re like, you know, our brain goes off and ruminating and worries worries, it’s a lot.

10:51

So what happens is that It’s like how can you tap into these resiliency skills and like but despite the oh my gosh like I am going through a real crisis right now where I am, you know.

So the idea is is that this idea of resiliency is not just you know, after seeing as post-traumatic growth and growth opportunities, right?

11:14

It’s about okay.

How can I stop?

I’m struggling right now.

It’s self compassion.

It’s honoring where you are as a human.

It’s like, how can I even like, Even going into self care practices like, you know, calming your nervous system like, how can you bring yourself?

11:29

So you don’t get that.

What we call, amygdala hijack, where our brain takes over in the stress response.

And then, you know what, we might have an anxiety attack or we might go into the stress response where we don’t really use the logical part of our brain.

So, it’s as simple as like, okay, maybe I need to practice right now in this moment, real-time resilience, I need to deep breathe or I need to do some yoga or I need to remove Is myself from this situation.

11:55

I need to go out into nature for a hike.

I need to scream.

I need to dance.

I need to like whatever it is that some like tapping into all these levels of resilience such as self-care or even if it’s a real-time resilience tool, like lying in bed and practicing gratitude like, what are you grateful for and why?

12:15

Or it could be even like a heart meditation, where you just take a deep breath.

And you try to think about the things that you’re grateful for, or Maybe even thinking about a time or someone or like a pet or an animal, you know that you love.

So you’re really increasing these positive emotions to calm the nervous system and bring you to a place that feels better right there in that moment because we know those negative emotions can like, pull us and they’re heavy, right?

12:45

Yeah.

When emotions are high, our reasoning is low and that, like you mentioned the breath work of getting into the That moment and feeling into our body because we’re you know for me I was totally in my head before I was totally disconnected from my body and I think that that’s such an important skill.

13:06

I mean most of the things that you were talking about with self-care and everything can get you back into feeling into your body, being in the present moment, the breathwork that you mentioned and I think that having these skills as a way of life Life and not just something that you’re doing to cope with what’s happening.

13:28

But really thinking about it, like this is how I want to live my life going forward.

Really serves you?

Because I think a lot of times, you know, I would hear parents say like, why do I have to do all this stuff?

I’m not the one who’s who has the problem, but it’s really just so helpful to us.

13:47

I know that it totally changed my life and I can hear how happy you are and how much that it’s helped you.

So I think that it’s such a good way to think of it like this is a lifestyle, not just something that I’m doing to get through this so that I can go back to the way things used to be.

14:06

Yeah, it’s so true and and not trying to go back.

It’s like okay like Focus forward or be in the present moment.

It’s like it’s almost like the only control we have right now is the moment that we’re in.

So if we sometimes, we just even need to come into The moment and do what we need to do in that moment to make us feel, okay?

14:27

And I remember even walking down the road one time, and I was so upset and I like my mind was all on, you know, this person that was in my life and I remember literally having to say, like, delete delete cancel, Cancel, like my thoughts.

14:44

And then I had to like, go into my senses.

Like, what am I seeing like?

And I literally had to be like, dog, tree grass sky like I had Bring myself into the present moment.

So, my mind, I just needed my mind to have a little break and just like and say, you know what, it makes sense.

15:01

And give myself compassion, that it makes sense, that I’m this upset, it makes sense that I’m hurting it makes sense like, and, and then, and then just being in that present moment and just noticing with all my senses, what am I seeing?

15:16

What am I smelling?

You know, where am I feeling this anger in my body is just and even though, That just is very it really does calm the nervous system and it’s what I needed to do to quiet them that mind.

Yeah, and you mentioned this a little bit earlier than just mentioned it again, that recognizing how you feel is a choice.

15:39

Like, of course, I feel bad about this and having compassion, for yourself about it, instead of feeling, like there’s something wrong with you, for feeling that way.

And that, of course, you would choose to be Add about certain situations.

15:55

And that’s where a lot of our power is, is being able to say own.

I want to be sad about this.

It really sucks.

And but when you hear something like positive psychology or I’m always talking about thoughts, you think?

16:10

Oh, this person’s trying to tell me to be positive all the time and like, no, we’re trying to tell you where that all your power is and just owning that that’s how you feel right now and that’s okay.

And that’s okay.

Even one of the chapters in My book is called, it’s okay not to be.

Okay.

16:26

And it’s embracing that even like negative emotions.

If you think about it, they’re there for a reason.

They’re actually we are pre-wired hardwire to have these negative emotions because they’re meant to keep us safe.

And so in Psychology positive psychology we call them.

16:43

The upside of the dark side.

It’s like these negative emotions are there.

Like if we didn’t have fear, we’d all be walking tightropes without, you know, like a security harness on us, right?

And so are Are, you know, are we would be like extinct if we didn’t have emotions, emotions are really important.

16:59

Especially negative emotions are there.

The problem is though, when they get you know, taken over or you’re in these negative emotions for long periods of time then it can have a damaging effect.

So we want to make sure that we’re also having an experiencing these positive emotions.

17:15

So I love the way you put it too.

It’s not like pretending bad things.

Don’t happen is like okay I feel this.

I feel anger, I feel Like I feel anger and my fist.

I feel at my job.

I feel it my you know got is like wherever like honoring.

It’s like and it makes sense that I’m angry right now.

17:33

So what I’m choosing to do is acknowledge that those feelings are very human and it’s very understandable that I’m feeling this way because this is hard.

So it’s offering that beautiful self compassion and kindness towards yourself.

It’s so important because you can’t move forward without it and negative emotion.

17:53

Is are they always have a message of an unmet need and so I think that everything you just said it’s so important to take the time to feel those feelings.

There’s nothing wrong with us for.

Having those neat.

Those feelings are a very important part of our humanness and we, but were, you know, everybody’s always like when you’re having a bad day.

18:16

Don’t be sad, you know?

It’s okay.

And I know be sad, let’s talk about being Sad.

Yeah, yeah and honoring that like it’s like you know when you have a wound you put polysporin on it or you put a bandaid on it.

18:33

Like you look after nurture it, it’s like and there’s an expression.

Like sometimes you need to sit in that wet diaper a little bit, you know, like in and kind of like acknowledge it instead of like, right away, trying to, you know, pretend the problem isn’t there?

So it’s like, it’s okay, it’s like sitting in that wet diaper for a little bit and honoring your emotions.

18:53

Almost giving yourself that opportunity to, you know, offer yourself some self, love and care and and also I love that you brought up that idea of like your needs.

What are you needing?

And so that is what I recommend to do.

A lot of my clients is just like, wait, when you wake up in the morning.

19:10

So think about, what are you feeling?

What are you needing?

What do you wanting and right away?

Just tapping back into yourself, it’s like what are you feeling?

You know, where are you feeling it?

And like, no judgment.

You don’t even have to justify.

Why why you’re feeling that?

It’s like, what are you feeling?

19:26

Okay.

So then what are you needing?

It’s like it.

So they so funny.

I was talking to one of my friends, I was like, oh my God, I feel so exhausted.

And she’s like, so rest.

It’s like, oh yeah, like oh my God, it’s like okay, yeah, maybe I need to rest a little, right.

19:41

So it’s interesting, it’s like, sometimes we just have to like ask ourselves the questions, like, okay, well, what am I, what am I feeling?

Okay?

What am I needing?

And it’s amazing how we have the answers and oftentimes what we were needing.

It’s it’s things like self care, love, self Compassion, maybe respect self-respect.

19:58

So we want to create some boundaries.

Maybe you were needing, you know, opportunities for growth and learning and like new adventures in your life.

Or, you know, it’s really amazing how the answers come up when you just get quiet enough and listen.

That is so important.

20:15

Because as you were talking about asking yourself, what do I need in feel like I didn’t even know what I needed.

Or what I was feeling, I was trying not to feel anything for starters and then thinking about what I needed, are you kidding me?

I was like, not even on the list of things that needed to be taken care of.

20:33

And so it’s such a simple, beautiful question.

And, you know, for anybody who’s listening just stop and think about that right now.

Like what do you need?

What are you feeling?

I love that.

You brought that question.

What do you want?

Yeah, that you have control over.

Yeah, it’s so good to think about and it’s just amazing.

20:53

To me that we don’t even think about that.

Like, we’re not even think it for us rise thinking about it for everybody else, right?

And you raised such a good point too, because often times we try to numb, we try not to feel, or we move on to like positive Pollyanna.

21:08

I am.

Yeah, you know, that expressions like it’s almost like, but is so important if the were not numbing and that we’re not also doing, you know, like things like some people, they go shopping to numb some feelings that you meet on the drink, you know?

Yeah.

And so you want to feel the feels because they’re just going to be buried and they’re going to come up.

21:30

So yeah.

See what I totally agree because what I did by making myself.

So none was.

I also I stopped experiencing joy and excitement and fun.

I just was pretty flat, so I, my intention was to save myself from pain, but I also, you know, cut myself from feeling all the beautiful things in life too.

21:49

So I think that it’s so important like Like every emotion is important.

So I hope anybody who’s listening is hearing that you brought up so many great points that I just want you to maybe just say like your top three things that you think are helpful for somebody who is loving someone with a dick an addiction and struggling.

22:17

I think that the main one of the main key things is the idea that, you know, just shifting your perspective, a little bit on the idea that is almost like adopting this idea of hopefulness and hope is it’s really an interesting emotion because hope is one of the positive emotions that come with negative emotions.

22:40

Such as disappointment, despair anger, right?

You know, like all those emotions that often, We feel when we are loving someone with an addiction hope is that wonderful beautiful emotion that we can cultivate its learned hopefulness.

22:57

And this idea is that we can gain this this hopefulness and we can take back our power for our own life.

And so, the key takeaway is that the the focus needs to turn inward on you.

And exactly like you said, Heather.

23:13

And you often say in your podcast as well is putting Oxygen mask on first.

It’s like you need to you’re not going to be helpful to anybody else in your life.

If you are like going and getting stuck in that quicksand or you’re drowning yourself, or you’re not getting that oxygen.

23:31

So, I think the key takeaway is Shifting the perspective, back onto you will really help you in so many ways, so that you can be stronger and that you like, it’s your life.

That’s what you have control over.

Remember, we didn’t cause it, we can’t control it, we can’t cure it.

23:46

It.

The only thing we can do is save ourselves and that’s basically essential.

And this whole idea of is, honoring your yourself and your needs and your emotions.

We talked a lot about self-compassion is having that wonderful beautiful almost like how you would nurture your child or you would you know, hug a best friend that’s struggling.

24:09

We need to also do that for ourselves.

That’s the key to yet taking any opportunity for self compassion.

This this struggle and so that we can struggle.

Well yes I love all of those.

The learned hopefulness that it really is a skill, right.

24:26

There’s so many of these things that we think should come to us naturally and we think something’s wrong with us because we weren’t born that way.

But it’s really all a skill that we have to build like building a muscle and then focusing on yourself.

I love that because our focus is always on the person with the addiction Auction and so we’re just totally neglecting ourselves and then honoring yourself, it’s just one of those things that again, I really didn’t even know what that meant before.

24:56

And so I love that you bring that up because a great way to do it is like what you were talking about before was asking what you need.

What do you want?

How you feel like really looking at yourself?

25:12

Probably maybe even for the first time in your life like really looking Yourself and your needs.

It’s just, I love everything that you just said there, okay?

So we’ve talked about struggling, well, a few times and notice that on your website and it said, life isn’t perfect, but we can learn and grow while we struggle well, and I love that term struggling.

25:37

Well, because it again we think that there shouldn’t be a struggle or there’s something wrong with us if we are.

And that just Makes it okay that you are struggling and the idea like that you could struggle well and have that you know, resilience that you were talking about before and that you could still flourish in the middle of struggle.

26:01

So I love that concept.

You want to talk about that a little bit more.

Yeah, I think we really did talk a lot about it and the idea is just shifting the lens to Opportunities within the struggle.

It’s honoring your emotions.

The humanness that Feeling is really about an in positive psychology.

26:20

We actually don’t even refer to post-traumatic stress disorder is called post-traumatic growth and is just shifting the lenses.

Like okay?

Yeah, this is hard and this is like challenging, but like what are some opportunities for growth?

And we also talked in Carol dweck she has, she’s done a lot of research on the mindset and having this growth mindset and when we adopt a growth mindset, we look at things from a really curious standpoint.

26:44

So even when you’re a mother, Monks, struggle, and Trauma and Chaos.

There are little like glimmers and opportunities.

Like how can I look at this different?

Like instead of thinking maybe, you know, like from a judger standpoint, kind of like, why, why the heck are they doing drugs?

27:01

Or like, you know, like they shouldn’t, you know, do that behind my back or, you know, things like that.

Like, if we adopt a more curiosity, growth mindset, we can think, like, I wonder what it’s like to have an addiction.

I wonder what it’s like.

To not be in control of your life, like, you know, like things like that.

27:21

So it’s really this shift allows you to show up in your life, even though you are, maybe going through struggle.

It’s like showing up and like, just even though this, the struggle is real, I would say the struggle is real.

Even though this struggle is real, it’s, you’re navigating it in a way that’s as effective as you can.

27:43

And, so, is looking at it for the other thing that comes out.

Out of struggle is you, you actually end up having more human connection because sometimes when we go through struggle, we need to reach out to support.

We need to reach out to family members.

We need, we need people and human connections, very important.

28:02

Especially when we go through trouble, struggle, is we end up making more and new Connections in our life and the other really cool opportunity that comes out of struggle, is that you can then help other people with A struggle.

So I always believed like I said in the beginning turning pain into purpose and there’s actually scientific study to that.

28:23

You can be an example to others that you can actually be of service to other people.

And it’s kind of like, you have there, what you’ve gone through now and you’re an amazing life coach.

And you started this podcast and you’re going to be writing a book.

It’s really amazing because it’s going to make a difference in other people’s lives.

28:41

You’re turning pain into purpose and you’re now being of service to other people.

Oh, and I do the same thing.

I join all these support groups.

I still am in the support groups, just that I lost.

My, the person that I love with an addiction over a year and a half ago and I’m still in those groups and I’m still offering support where I can and and so and then I wrote this book and then I started the podcast and so it’s almost turning your pain into purpose and being of service is actually one of the ways that we can struggle well as well.

29:11

So it’s really it’s amazing that there can be growth opportunities and as Said, sometimes it’s hard to see it when you’re in it but it’s yes, helping others people to is one of the things we can do while we’re in struggle to help us to be more resilient.

29:28

Yeah, I’ve noticed in the addiction community.

So many people have experienced either addiction themselves or with somebody they love.

And I think that anybody who’s been through such a hard time.

29:46

I’m is really like, once they figure it out, we always feel that I have got to share this with the world.

Like, I have the keys to the universe.

I cannot keep them to myself.

Yeah, it’s so important though, to share the, you know, what has worked for you?

What what, you know, even just, not even that, like, even just the common Humanity that you’re not alone.

30:07

The reality is that, that you’re not suffering alone that like not that we want to know.

Other people are suffering but there’s other people that have compassion and understanding.

Standing of what it is that we’re going through and what we have gone through is really important and knowing that you have community and you have people around that sharing your experience, that that understand what you’ve gone through, or what you are going through.

30:34

Yeah, and you mentioned that we don’t want other people to suffer, but at the same time, I can still remember 20 years ago, going to my first 12, step meeting and figuring out there were other people in the world A who were had, you know, we’re dealing with addiction in their life and feeling really relieved by it.

30:51

I was like, oh my gosh, I’m not the only one because before that I really did feel so alone and that just kind of normalizing.

This is a part of life and more people need to talk about it and share and make it easier for anybody who’s struggling with shame to reach out for help.

31:13

So, I really appreciate That you have done the same thing that you’ve taken such a painful experience.

And I’m so sorry for the loss that you have experience.

But I think it’s amazing that you’ve so quickly turned it around and started the podcast and written this book, that is going to be so powerful for helping so many people.

31:38

So is there anything that we missed that you feel would be important to share today?

I think we’ve touched a lot on just that idea and just so people don’t feel alone in the process and I think that, that idea self-compassion and just honoring your needs and honoring your emotions and recognizing that, you know, it’s okay, like it’s okay not to be okay, type message and then just giving yourself a break, like give yourself a break around this and just like and then and then finding the courage to focus on you.

32:16

Back your power also take back your power of your you know, your awareness self awareness.

Like it’s like spending more time in opportunities to be in those positive emotions.

You know, what brings you Joy.

You know, what did you use to do?

When you’re a little kid that made you smile and laugh and have fun like going and doing those things.

32:36

It’s like tapping back into those positive emotions, even if it’s just for like, you know, like a half an hour walk, it’s like tapping and having more opportunities for Experiencing joy in your life.

You know call up that friend that makes you feel good.

Go out into nature and go for a nice walk and take some deep breaths, you know, hug your dog, your pet your dog for a while.

32:58

That releases oxytocin and I know like hugging to is a wonderful way if you don’t have anyone to hug around you you can always just cross your arms, touch your shoulders and rub down your arms, it’s like giving yourself a hug.

It’s really important just to tap back into those things that actually bring about.

33:16

In your life, those positive emotions, it could be reminiscing.

Even to a time.

Maybe you know, when you were happy, when you’re doing something that really made, you feel joyful, it could be.

Yeah.

There’s just like sitting in gratitude and marveling and just being in the present moment is really powerful to and recognizing Beauty.

33:37

It could be as simple as looking up into the sky and just like appreciating the blueness of the sky and the clouds and the Sun and yeah.

Yes, that’s also good.

So what if somebody wants to find out more about you, find out about your book or your podcast or get ahold of you, where do they go to do that?

33:58

Yeah.

Well, everything is available at my website at Andrea side, elle.com.

And there is a separate Andrea side.

Elle.com saving you is killing me website, but my books also available anywhere you purchase books.

So Amazon it’s available at Barnes & Noble, Indigo chapters.

34:14

If you’re in Canada, and There’s it’s also digitally available and all the distribution channels so they can access that book and the podcast, obviously, is wherever you listen to podcasts, and it’s called saving.

You is killing me.

Loving someone with an addiction.

34:30

Yeah, and you’re also a coach, right?

Yeah.

I’m a positive psychology coach and I’m actually a book Doula so I help people painlessly give birth to bugs.

And yes, and so, and that is the whole premises.

I help people turn pain into purpose, through written word.

34:46

Words.

And so I figured, I better be an example, right?

So, you know, I went through this dream where I thought, I better be an example of turning pain into purpose, so that’s so good.

I might need you to be my book duel as well.

Yes.

Well, thank you so much for coming on today.

35:03

I, you made so many great points and I think that this is really going to help, you know anybody who’s listening.

There’s so many little easy nuggets that they can take away and just start using.

Away and I love that.

I think it’s really important that you can listen to a podcast and just either have experienced a mindset shift or take a few things that you can start doing in your life right away.

35:27

And I think that we got both of those in there today so it was great.

Thank you.

Well thank you so much Heather for having me on the show and thank you so much for all that you’re doing as well.

All right.

Well, I hope you guys have a great rest of the week and I’ll be back next week.

Thank you for listening to this episode.

35:50

If you want to learn more about my work, go to Heather.

Ross coaching.com if you want to help other parents who are struggling with a child’s addiction, you can do it two different ways.

First, you can share the podcast with them directly or you can share it on your social media second.

36:06

You can leave a review, talk to you next week.

Thank you for listening to this episode.

If you want to learn more about my work, go to Heather.

Ross coaching.com if you want to help other parents who are struggling with a child’s addiction, you can do it two different ways.

First, you can share the podcast with them directly or you can share it on your social media second.

You can leave a review, talk to you next week.