Why you aren’t getting what you want

Do you ever wonder if you’re what’s holding you back from what you want?

One of my superpowers is seeing people’s behavior patterns, including my own.  One pattern that every human has is limiting themselves with their circumstances. We all do it, it’s just a matter of how much we do it.

Here’s what I want you to know…. It’s never the circumstance that determines the outcome.  It’s always what you think and believe about it that determines it. 

We have some amount of leverage in our circumstance. If we focus on our leverage then the results we create will be much different than if we focus on the limitations of the circumstance.

Our brains are always telling us there’s a limiting circumstance (good reason) between us and everything we want.

That’s not because there’s something wrong with us.  It’s because our brain wants to keep us alive and staying the same has kept us alive so far, so let’s not chance it by changing.

We have to override our brain’s built-in safety mechanism in order to get what we want. That’s the resistance you always feel when you go after what you want. The only time you don’t feel that resistance is when the results seem guaranteed or the opportunity is so damn exciting you can’t resist it.

Since I was diagnosed with early-stage breast cancer I’ve been observing how cancer became my new limiting circumstance. In the past it was my daughter’s addiction, my struggling marriage, my divorce, my weight, the hours I worked, etc.

All of those circumstances had an effect on my life, but the results I created were totally up to me.

I’ve experienced what my life is like when I use those circumstances as limitations and what my life is like when I leverage those circumstances.

When I use my circumstance as limitation the circumstance has all the power. But when I use it as leverage, I have all the power and that creates some amazing results.

What I’ve shared so far in this post is all coming from the best version of me.

These are all very intentional words because my emotions are low, and my reasoning is high.

I’ve used my perspective and experience I gained while living with my daughter’s addiction to help me figure out how to approach living with a cancer diagnosis.

It’s really important for me to share that this best version of me that I’m sharing with you right now is not my permanent state.

I’m very early in my diagnosis and so my emotions are all over the board. 

At some point I will become more stable with my emotions, but for now I just expect and allow a lot of ups and downs.

Leveraging your circumstance isn’t about doing it perfectly. 

It’s about doing it humanly and embracing the messiness of the human process. I’ve had days where I cried and felt scared and angry most of the day.

Days where I felt like my life as I knew it was over, and it is.  I have to create a new normal now.

I’m sharing all my ups and downs in my blog about my journey with breast cancer because I don’t want you to doubt yourself or think you’re doing it wrong when you feel weak or scared. 

I want you to trust yourself to embrace those moments, let the feelings flow, and know you won’t get stuck there.  I want you to know you won’t feel that way forever. 

I believe by embracing those feelings and processing them you come out of them faster. Eventually they will happen less often and for shorter periods of time.

Here’s an example of how my thoughts changed when I learned my new circumstance:

Thoughts before my diagnosis:

  • 2021 is going to be a great year
  • My future is bright and full of possibilities
  • My business is exploding with growth
  • I feel content being single
  • At 48 I feel more young, vibrant, and healthy than ever

Thoughts after my diagnosis:

  • I’m no longer healthy
  • My business is going to fail if I get too busy with doctor appointments, treatments, and recovery from surgery.
  • The hormone blockers I have to take are going to steal my youth, vibrance, and drive in life
  • My breasts are going to be damaged and I’m never going to be able date again
  • I can’t achieve what I want to with setbacks like cancer

Since our brains work in a think, feel, act cycle these sets of thoughts are going to create two very different lives.

My after-diagnosis thoughts created feelings like fear and defeat.  Those feelings created a lot of inaction.

Even though I’m physically capable of taking action that would create the results I want, I won’t take action because all of my energy is being drained by my powerless thoughts.

While I was having the pre-diagnosis thoughts above, the cancer was in my body.  I just didn’t know or have thoughts about it yet.

My thoughts are my prison, not the cancer. 

My before cancer thoughts were very free.  There were no limitations.

The only thing between me and what I want isn’t the cancer, it’s my self-imposed limiting thoughts.

Here’s the thoughts I’m working on believing:

  • 2021 is going to be a great year
  • I can take extra time to take care of my mental and physical health and still have a thriving business
  • I can figure out how to be young, vibrant, and energetic even with hormone blockers
  • Cancer might affect my timeline, but I can still achieve my goals
  • Life is full of curveballs and I know how to hit them out of the park

Sometimes I believe these new thoughts and feel the possibility of them in my body.

Sometimes I feel a million miles away from them. 

That’s the process.

Nothing has gone wrong. 

I just have to keep reconnecting to these thoughts until they become beliefs.

If you want to read more of my story you can find it here: